Living life

When I was a kid, I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure books. I would read them, and then go back and see what other options I could've chosen. This taught me to carefully think through my choices because my life might depend upon them. While in real life our choices are rarely so dramatic, they are equally as important.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
--Goethe

Here is a simple way to get in touch with your priorities. Imagine that you have an incurable illness and are given six months to live. As the doctors inform you of their findings, see yourself accepting your imminent mortality with the resolve, "I am going to spend the last months of my life living to the fullest, doing those things that are truly important to me." Then imagine yourself living out those six months in the manner in which you have decided.

Afterwards, note your experience. During your remaining days, what did you do, who did you see, and where did you go? What do these choices say about what is really important to you - your values and priorities? Are you living them today? If you are not, you may want to learn from Tony's story.

After being diagnosed with AIDS, Tony decided to embrace life. He bought a house, planted a garden, and nurtured his important relationships. As a result, he lived the remaining three years of his life in pure joy.

The tragedy is that his life ended just as he was beginning to live. Why wait for a life threatening experience to motivate you to take action? Confront your fears and pursue what brings you happiness and joy.

There is no better time than now.

Friends have always been amazed at how quickly I accomplish my goals after choosing them. This isn't by mere chance. Since it doesn't make sense for me to only dream of a life I want without living it, I immediately create an implementation plan.

Why are so many afraid to live their dreams? "It's just not the right time," "I'll do it later," and "I want to, but ____." are all excuses from people who enjoy the complaining process more than they want to succeed. That boggles my mind.

Anything below full commitment isn't really choosing. You are in complain mode.  
Life is easy: decide what you want, map out what it takes to succeed, have confidence that you can do it, commit, start, and follow through. If you're reading this and thinking "But in my case, ____,"--no matter what that "but" is--you're still making excuses. Your success and happiness is completely in your hands. Claim it!

Selling ES300 Lexus LOADED with Adult items

I am selling my 2001 Lexus ES300 fully loaded with HUGE lot of new unopened adults novelties, new unworn stripper outfits (with tags still attached), wigs, stripper shoes, and a metallic purple static/rotating stripper pole. I am not interested in parting this out, it all goes at once. $8000 with local pickup in Atlanta includes the car and everything inside. I'll even throw in my used stripper items, if you want them.

Whether you are good with eBay or have a retail/online store, work in porn production, are a stripper (or are in love with a stripper), buying this lot is almost like getting a free Lexus because the adult items alone are worth what I'm asking.  

Southwest now flies to Atlanta so, no matter where you live, you can get here one-way for less than $200. I recommend flying in because there is too much stuff to take without a full car; the Lexus will be completely filled.

Yes, this is an unusual bundle--but perfect for the one who is interested! 

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

After much reflection, I understand the common theme behind why my relationships haven't succeeded. Despite having worked as a stripper, I'm primarily a Good Girl. This is a significant contradiction which most people cannot fathom.

Years ago I seriously dated a man who said he couldn't figure out if I was a Good Girl or a Bad Girl. That's because I am both. I do have a bad girl side which I am completely honest about, but it's minor and only a fraction of who I am. It seems that most men do not believe these can co-exist and want to put you in one category or the other.

The majority of the men I've dated I met through work. These men liked the excitement of dating a Vegas stripper and wanted to harness a Bad Girl, never viewing me as the Good Girl I actually am. They wanted to party; I wanted to settle down.

How to explain to someone who likes viewing me as a Bad Girl that I am 90% Good Girl? What I say or do doesn't seem to influence who they believe I am. Even though I tell my partner all about me, they listen to what they want to hear, make the judgements they want to make, and form the opinion they want to have. This would cause me to "act out" and be bad--but not in the way they had hoped.

My longest relationship had the opposite problem. He knew that I was mostly Good Girl and was attracted to me because of that. At the same time, he enjoyed that I had a Bad Girl side and encouraged it beyond who I instinctually am. Because of his Madonna Whore complex, he loved me as his pure partner but was only turned on by those he considered bad. *sigh*  It was almost like he wanted me to be the wild stripper the other men believed I was, but then chose to be with me because I wasn't. I thought we were both on the same page and believed we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Since I no longer strip, at least when I am finally ready to date again it won't be with men who met me that way. Even so, I am worried that--because I am so open about who I am--I will keep attracting men who believe my Bad Girl/Good Girl ratios are different than they are or who will want to change them. The easy solution would be to stop being so open, but I want my partner to choose to be with me because he knows who I truly am.

Why are honesty, disclosure, and acceptance such rare relational traits?

Follow The Money

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly....

Today's thought from Hazelden is: 

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly...." --Antoine de Saint Exupery 

If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations -- a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we look upon them with gratitude. Everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds. When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference. 


You are reading from the book: Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Unhappy birthday

My birthday wasn't pleasant. In fact, it was pretty sad because the reality of my failed relationship finally left the shock phase and entered the grieving stage. While around others, I put on a "happy face"...but whenever I was alone, I cried.

Your New Body in 30 Days

A friend of mine and I were recently talking about our bodies. She retired a decade ago and misses her stripper figure. To help her get back in shape, I sent her this email:

This is the Body Pump workout that I do at home: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhaKN8sAocI.

Keep in mind that it is easy to injure yourself with BodyPump. You must use proper form! This means always keep your wrists straight, never let your knees go pass your toes, in squat position all your weight should be on your heels (I lift my toes the whole time to be sure), and keep your chest "proud" throughout your workout. I recommend attending live classes because being in a group will help you get through when you want to stop (and you will want to stop early) and mirrors help with form. Start with only the bar for the first class. If you are not sore the next day, you were probably using incorrect form. If ever you feel like class was too easy (after the fact) or you don't get sore, it's time to up your weight with the minimum increment on each side. This class should always be challenging.

For cellulite, you should do body scrubs: http://www.essenceofmyinstincts.com/the-importance-of-a-good-scrub-body-brushing-and-exfoliation/. In addition, you need to drink a ton of water. Whatever your weight is, divide by half, and that is your minimum amount of required daily water. For example, I weigh 140, divided in half means I need a minimum of 70 ounces of water per day. If you want to lost weight, it's even more: http://www.slenderkitchen.com/how-to-calculate-how-much-water-you-should-drink-a-day/.

This is not easy. It may be the hardest you've ever worked on your body. But I guarantee that if you do an hour class 3 times per week, within a month your body will be changed. And, if you also add 2-3 spin classes per week during that same month, you will go from however you look now back to having a body you will be proud of.

I forgot to add: what you eat is extremely important! Seriously. You can't make a regular habit of eating fast food and have a ripped body. When you start tracking, you may be surprised at where your calories are coming from and which activities burn the most. There are several free programs which help you do this. For your smart phone, MyFitnessPal and LoseIt are the most popular. Enter in all your food, exercise, and weigh-ins. Chances are you'll lose weight from making smarter food choices.

Are you ready for your new body? Then take control of yourself and get it! It only takes 30 days to make an impressive change. This is what I do and it will work for you, too.  :)

Thanksgiving is a day which should remind us how to be every other day.

During previous Thanksgivings, I've had to really think about what I should be grateful for (!!). Thankfully, I expanded my focus to see abundance all around and am now grateful everyday--for what I had, what I currently have, and what my future will bring. This year I'm even lucky enough to be spending the holiday with family creating happy memories-to-be. YEA!!


  "The one person I am with forever is me. My relationship with myself eternal, so I choose to be my own best friend. I choose to love and accept myself and talk to myself as I would to a beloved person in my life. I saturate all the cells in my body with love, and they become vibrantly healthy. I relate with love to all of life."  -- Louise L. Hay

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2013...and every other day too!

~ This is the way to live. ~

My Ideal Partner 2013

How did I get so far into the year without doing this? Of course I know: I was focused on my relationship. Now that I am single again and reviewed my 2011 list, I see that it was spot on.

What happened? While we got along well, deal breakers are still deal breakers.

 
This last relationship was like a marriage, and it's going to take me time to recover from such a massive blow. I'm not one of those women who jumps from one relationship to the next. Realistically, I won't be ready to date for awhile because I need time to be myself as an individual again instead of being half of a partnership. All that said, here are my lists:

My ideal partner has these qualities: Genius intelligence, family values, is my best friend, gentleman, knows and likes the true me, shares hopes and dreams, funny, ex-pat mentality, treats me as an equal, ethical, loves himself, honest even when it hurts to be, has faith in me, thinks outside-the-box, makes me laugh, computer geek, generous, we talk about everything, successful, speaks more than one language, always considerate of my feelings, zest for life, athletic, non-smoker, gives me space, worldly, open-minded, loves unconditionally, good in bed, father figure, supports me mentally/physically/financially/emotionally, spiritual, articulate, romantic, sense of humor, motivated, sincere, trustworthy, helps me better myself, spontaneous, likes cats & dogs, builds and repairs things, acts like a man and treats me like a lady, confident, smart in ways I'm not, listens to me, includes me, takes chances, respectful, puts me in my place, likes to learn, teaches me, high sex drive, reliable, enjoys traveling, cuddles, fair, responsible, loyal, not jealous, healthy eater, protects me, helps me achieve my goals.

Deal breakers: Lies, disrespectful, scares me, makes me feel bad about myself, violent, alcoholism, drug addiction, passive-aggressive

I admit that I'm not the easiest woman to deal with and it's tough to get me to commit. At the same time, my partner always knows where we stand without having to guess and I only ask questions that I truly want the answers for. I am honest, forgiving, understanding, loyal, and as straightforward as they come.

I expect the same in return -- even from friends.

  

Who I am: Playful, liberal yet conservative, thinks outside-the-box, independent, highly sexual, no regrets, ex-pat, generous, not afraid to say “no”, spiritual, zest for life, follows my heart, fit, non-smoker, self-respecting, loves unconditionally, open-minded, comfortable talking about anything, shares, lifetime student, enjoys helping others, loves traveling, compassionate, realist, romantic, good in bed, honest even when it hurts to be, sober, pretty, non-jealous, girly, computer geek, pro-gun, genuine, believes everything happens for a reason, old soul, grounded, vain, conspiracy theorist, happy, tenacious, loyal friend, motivated, smiles and laughs easily, intelligent, positive, healthy eater, sports fan, trustworthy, dog lover, cat owner, fair, anti-GMO, logical, reliable, one-of-a-kind, thoughtful, respectful, teacher, grateful, helps friends move, accepts people for who they are, sense-of-humor, turns dreams into reality, values privacy, mothering, frugal, bisexual, A.D.D./O.C.D., bakes goodies, confident, spontaneous, lovable.

Caution: high maintenance, clumsy, mildly bipolar, polyamorous, allergic to drama


A few years ago, a friend introduced me to this song because he said that I fit the profile of a Wayseer. I agree.

A Man is Only As Good As His Word

 "I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." -- Pietro Aretino  

When you are dishonest about who you are, what you think, and your behaviors, you trick people into believing you are someone you are not. Maybe they would've accepted you for you, or maybe not...but, by lying, you took away their choice. The frequency and severity of your lies directly correlates to the amount of trauma people experience when your lies are discovered. You stole invested time while hurting another human's self-esteem and ability to trust.

It is far more rewarding to have 3 friends who know and love the true you than 3000 who love a fake fabricated shell. The latter isn't real and will eventually crumble. If you lie out of fear, your lies will eventually cause the rejection or loss you are trying to avoid--and maybe even worse.




A man is only as good as his word

When I make the choice to let someone new into my inner world, I let that person in completely. This is unusual and some people don't believe it. Afterall, if I exposed THAT, what must I really be hiding? I am shocked by this pessimistic view of the world. Yes I put myself at higher risk of getting hurt by unscrupulous people but, at the same time, I open myself up to real connection that otherwise wouldn't be possible.

Who is your tv/movie personality?

Most people have seen character in either a movie or on television whom they can relate to. Since I rarely watch television--purposely don't have cable and am disgusted by reality TV shows--it has taken me until now to find mine: Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother. I still have a few more seasons to watch (almost finished with Season 6), and so far she's pretty close.



Who is your entertainment personality? Would people who know you agree?

I love Evil Eddie

Pretentious

During a recent argument, I called my friend a "pretentious ass". It fit. For fun this morning, while still glowing with pride at my clever remark, I decided to look "pretentious" up in the dictionary. To my absolute shock, there I was. Not just a photo, but a live stream, as if there was a hidden camera in the dot of the i .    *embarrassed*

Seriously... I require an overhaul. I have allowed character flaws to run rampant. I am not a princess. No, I'm not. Truthfully. I have to remember that. There are plenty more too, but no need to boast.   :-p    Honest self-evaluation is tough. And when we go too long without monitoring our own behavior, sometimes we morph into someone we no longer like. 

Structure helps. This is what I am currently working on:

• Study for IT re-certifications
• Read The Fourfold Path to Healing: Working with the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine  
• Create compatible menu plans and shopping lists 
• eBay

The Old Man Passed

There are so many memories, and they all make me smile. He lived a full great life.

Cannabis to be an allowed exception

I quit drinking on August 14, 2009 and quit smoking marijuana on August 30, 2009. Before quitiing, I used both to self-medicate. I joke around about having been an alcoholic and drug addict, but in reality I don't believe that to be true. A more honest assessment would be that I drank and used in excess in hopes of dying. Thankfully, I removed myself from unhappy situations and learned healthy life coping techniques.

After quitting, I had a pot dealer roommate, stayed with a good friend who made daily offers, and became romantically involved with a weed smoker. In addition, I kept my own personal stash (it was only last year that I finally got rid of it). Opportunity to smoke has always been here.

How have I stayed clean and sober? Because I chose to. Alcohol and drugs were no longer serving me in a productive way. Did I read any 12 Step books? No, but I bought some. Have I been attending 12 Step meetings? The only meetings I've attended were during Burning Man.

So, why am I writing this? It is probable that I will eventually smoke again. Not a lot, and not to self-medicate. For over a year I've been weighing the pros and cons of introducing marijuana back into my life.  Pot gave me energy, helped me exercise, and expanded my mind for more creative writing.

There are people who will think I am going on the wrong path. Some are just anti-marijuana, others may feel like I'm on a slippery slope back into addiction. I have thought long and hard about that and don't believe it to be true.  People say that cigarettes or marijuana are the gateway drugs, when in reality it is caffeine and alcohol--but I digress..... I haven't started smoking yet and I'm not even sure when I will. I say "when" because I do expect to smoke weed again. The circumstances will be right, and, this time around, it won't be an inadvertant "moment of weakness" or to mask unhappiness in my life.

Mother's Day

In addition to thinking about our mothers today, let's think about Mother Earth. What are YOU doing to keep her healthy? What are you doing to hurt her?

2013 = Lent Fail

While nobody would ever know if I didn't out myself, I feel obligated to report what happened with Lent this year. My sickness lasted a few weeks and, during that time, I didn't exercise. Because of this, I halted ALL fines. Even though I didn't last 40 days, my Lent 2013 experience wasn't a waste. I made some changes I am pleased with:

• my cursing has reduced dramatically
• I eat sweet potatoes often as an alternative to sugar-sweets
• my exercise routine has intensified

Lent 2013 - First 10 days

25% of the way through and so far my "Lent Jar" contains $24. Here is a summary of my first 10 days of Lent:

February 14 - Cursed 4 times = $8. Had dream I ate sweets but, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 15 - Cursed 1 time = $2.
February 16 - Cursed 3 times = $6.
February 17-19 - No fines!
February 20 - Cursed 2 times = $4.
February 21 - No fines!
February 22 - Cursed 2 times = $4. Also had dream I cursed 3 more times...but again, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 23 - No fines!

Sugar has been easier than I expected. My diet is pretty healthy, so this extra step just eliminates items I shouldn't be eating.

Cheese has been tougher than expected--especially while eating out! Cheese is in many of the foods I love.

Of course I have cursed, but it's going better than anticipated. This is a nasty tough habit to break.

I've always been a weight lift girl, so daily cardio is new for me. I am happy to say that, since the treadmill and I have become friends, my body is showing results.  :)

Today I am sick (flu?). I would have forced myself to go to the gym anyway, but someone reminded me Sundays are taken off during Lent. Yes! Just to be clear: I'm not doing this for any of my sacrifices. I'll accept this cardio holiday because it is best to heal before taxing my body further.

No Sugar-coated Kisses

It is sadly ironic that Valentine's Day this year falls during Lent...

No sugar-coated kisses, chocolates, or cake for Trixie. :(

 

 

Happy Valentine's Day!!

While looking for images for this post, I stumbled across the one below and learned that sugar is now genetically modified!! There are many reasons to avoid genetically modified (GMO) foods. Learn how.



No Frankensugar!!

It is scary just how our food supply is becoming a science project. While we know that genetically modified crops are killing the honey bees (!), we don't know the long-term effects on humans yet. What an unbelievable and stupid risk!    Have you seen Children of Men?

Ash Wednesday

Not being religious, I am lucky that I found out Lent started today.

The way the brain works, if you can do something for 21 days you can make a permanent change. Lent is 40 days.

This year for Lent I am consciously giving up (1) sugar, (2) cheese, and (3) cursing. In addition to these sacrifices, I will do a minimum of 30 minutes cardio every single day for these next 40 days.

New for this year, I am also going to add financial consequences for slip-ups.

Eating sugar - $10 
Eating cheese - $10
Cursing - $2  (I'm scared this one may add up quickly)
Missing cardio day - $20

These fines are designed to get me back on proper course --not a "cheat pass" opportunity . Because my full intention is to succeed, I am not even thinking up what to do with any money that ends up in the Lent fund (hopefully there will be none).  I officially start tomorrow.   :)