A woman's body image and how easy it is to ruin

Las Vegas is a world famous adult playground. Working there can bring in big money, but it comes at a price. Vegas is all image and people pride themselves on being hustlers. Being fake is the norm. Everyone is judged--on looks, body, age, money, car, who you're sleeping with--not only did I hate living there, it ruined my normal healthy body image.

From stripping at the top Las Vegas gentlemen's clubs, I saw it all. I worked at Crazy Horse Too, Olympic Garden, Sapphire, and Spearmint Rhino. I was at the top clubs at the right times. Crazy Horse Too is the best club I have ever worked at. They treated their ladies with more respect than is experienced in this industry; it was excellent for my mental health and self-esteem. I worked there up until the day they closed.

On the polar opposite end of the spectrum was Spearmint Rhino. It was a toxic environment. There were actually a few occasions when the morning manager at Spearmint Rhino came up to me while I was on stage (!!) and told me I needed to lose weight before my next shift. Are you kidding me?!? I have curves, not rolls.

This is what I looked like at that time:

Instead of being brushing it off as an asshole Spearmint Rhino manager being a jerk when he was lucky enough to get hired at a top US strip club, it scarred me for life. Here are a few more pictures from the past: 

Because of these negative experiences, now I can't stop critiquing myself; it is ingrained and automatic. I am writing this as a real woman. A real woman who, with a pin-up body, was given a body image complex. Back then I was in the gym a few hours every day. Currently, all I have time for is an hour a day. Knowing that I don't look my personal best messes with me a lot. I'm in pretty good shape and not fat, but again...if my body wasn't good enough when it looked like that, how can I ever be satisfied?

By the way, the image below is what I was expected to look like (obviously less "fat" than above). I haven't looked like that since I quit smoking weed. 

(Quitting pot immediately made me gain 10 pounds that hasn't left me since. *sigh*)

Few women share their insecurities. I wrote this to bring awareness to the damage that can be done to the feminine ego. A joke to a man can seriously hurt a woman. She may not tell you, yet your words may still ring in her head decades later. Hundreds of compliments can't undue the damage of one well-placed insult.

Sober over 2 years

From working as a Vegas stripper, I could out-drink 4 big men in a row. My party days were intense. Seriously. I was drinking 30-40 shots of Patron per night (yes, alcohol poisoning several times per week). In addition to that, I was also smoking 6 ounces of weed per month. During my extreme low I even took Valium, Xanax, and snorted powder.. Yeah, I was a party girl.

Then I decided to change my life.


Really. It was that simple. I quit....and I haven't been tempted to lapse.
I enjoy sober life (Mocktails and all!).

It is amazing how many of my dreams have come true since. During this time I took classes and passed certification exams for A+, Networking+, and Security+! In addition, I've taken numerous trips outside the US including: Costa Rica, Panama, Spain, France, Italy, Austria, Slovenia, Czech Republic, Germany, and Switzerland. It's been a full-on self-improvement journey--taking care of myself in every way. Truly happy.       :)       :)



Life is getting better and better all the time!! :)

Stripper Trixie

At work, I have this presence about me. I walk slowly with my back straight, head aligned with my spine, belly tucked in and pulled up, chin up, and always making eye contact. My flow is so natural, I ooze such confidence, men are drawn to me. They want to spend time with me. They need to get to know me better and are willing to spend money for the privilege -- no contact.


Ultra-slow movement. Seduction. Every angle must look good, as if posing for a camera. Slow. Holding each pose long enough for mental capture. Eye contact.
- or -
HIGH Energy. The music commands my body, I have no control. Nirvana.