Next week marks 7 years since I quit drinking

    It has been easy to stay quit.  I have not been attending AA. I do read self-help books. I was never an alcoholic. I decided one day to quit and I did. To give AA credit where credit is due, I did a 4-day crash course on the 12-steps. It was horribly intensive and taught me that I had a lot of deep negative emotions, that I wasn't perfect, and how to forgive. I also removed myself from the negative people and toxic situations. About 6 months after I quit, then the reality of everything I ignored when I drank was in my face. Wow. That was stressful. I realized that I did not like the person I had become. The second half of that first year I spent actively writing down goals and working on change to optimize my health and happiness.

Buy from Amazon

I have never read a self-help book for alcoholic...until now. Honestly I thought I didn't need it. However, recently I found a book that I would like to recommend for everyone who grew up in an alcoholic home. I did, and I had no idea that my childhood environment was responsible for so many of my adult problems. The book happens to be an out-of-print parenting book. Because of its parenting approach, I am able to get two perspectives out of it: myself as a child growing up in that environment and as the messed up adult. Buy it if you are ready to heal: The ACOA's Guide to Raising Healthy Children: A Parenting Handbook for the Adult Children of Alcoholics.


I know I haven't posted photos in a very long time...

So this was me back when I drank:

And this is now:

Happy birthday to all my Leo friends.

Eyes Wide Open

So this is the end of the story
Everything we had, everything we did
Is buried in dust
And this dust is all that's left of us
 But only a few ever worried
Though the signs were clear, they had no idea
You just get used to living in fear
Or give up
When you can't even picture your future
 We walk the plank with our eyes wide open...
 Some people offered up answers
We made out like we heard, but they were only words
They didn't add up
To a change in the way we were living
 And the saddest thing-
Is all of it could have been avoided
But it was like to stop consuming is to stop being human
And why would I make a change if you won't
We're all in the same boat, staying afloat
For the moment
 And we walk the plank with our eyes wide open, we..
Walk the plank with our eyes wide open
 With our eyes wide open we...
Walk the plank, we walk the plank
 And that was the end of the story

Open letter to my ex's wife

When he and I started dating, I honestly believed that the two of you were separated. I apologize if that was not true.

The day you told me he died, I was so nervous talking to my boyfriend's wife that I said a few things which were inaccurate in an attempt to lessen your pain and make you think we were just a fling. In hindsight, I realize that doing so might have even caused more heartache for you. I am sorry.

Your husband was an excellent man. I loved him so much that I completely fell apart after his death. He was one of the highlights of my life, I feel lucky to have shared time with him, and I always remember him with happy memories. While you don't read my blog, maybe the energy of what I am writing will be released into the universe and give you some level of peace.

Unhappy birthday

My birthday wasn't pleasant. In fact, it was pretty sad because the reality of my failed relationship finally left the shock phase and entered the grieving stage. While around others, I put on a "happy face"...but whenever I was alone, I cried.

Cake For Breakfast

Parents often don't pay enough attention to what they say to their children. They make little comments which shape us forever. Like many children, I liked sugar a lot and would question my parents as to why I wasn't allowed to eat more of it. I clearly remember my parents saying, "You can eat cake for breakfast everyday when you're an adult."

During my adult life, my parents stopped by unannounced on a few occasions when I happened to be eating cake for breakfast. They didn't say anything. One time my dad actually joined me for a yummy slice of chocolate cake. Confirmation!

I'm writing this today as I feel sick from eating a few slices of lemon cake. Not thin slices, but 1/8 of a double-layered cake slices. One slice would be perfect, but people with addictive personalities (like me) have difficulty with moderation. For the most part, I've been very good over the past year at giving up cake. However, this was birthday cake...

 

It was a fun birthday. Earlier in the week a friend treated me to a massage. Then, on my birthday, my best friend flew out from California to celebrate with my man and I. :)  More people than ever contacted me to wish me a happy birthday. My entire inbox is full with messages and singing videos. Totally awesome.   :)

 

Well, I can honestly say I had one of the best birthdays of my life!

Nobody would believe what actually happened so I will just quietly smile and keep it to myself..

Twenties?

Chocolate for breakfast. Yummy! There is no better way to start the day (well, other than morning sex). Today is my birthday and a friend is making sure I have a very special day.. ;)                    (Thank you!)


Should I start lying and saying I'm 29? Or go big and say I'm 21? lol..

Hunter S. Thompson's birthday

Hunter Stockton Thompson
July 18, 1937 – February 20, 2005

"Young people of America, awake from your slumber of indolence and harken to the call of the future! Do you realize that you are rapidly becoming a doomed generation? Do you realize that the fate of the world and of generations to come rests on your shoulders? ...Oh ignorant youth, the world is not a joyous place. The time has come for you to dispense with the frivolous pleasures of childhood and get down to honest toil until you are sixty-five. Then and only then can you relax and collect your social security and live happily until the time of your death."

Signed Fearfully and Disgustingly Yours,
John J. Righteous Hypocrite