Cannabis to be an allowed exception

I quit drinking on August 14, 2009 and quit smoking marijuana on August 30, 2009. Before quitiing, I used both to self-medicate. I joke around about having been an alcoholic and drug addict, but in reality I don't believe that to be true. A more honest assessment would be that I drank and used in excess in hopes of dying. Thankfully, I removed myself from unhappy situations and learned healthy life coping techniques.

After quitting, I had a pot dealer roommate, stayed with a good friend who made daily offers, and became romantically involved with a weed smoker. In addition, I kept my own personal stash (it was only last year that I finally got rid of it). Opportunity to smoke has always been here.

How have I stayed clean and sober? Because I chose to. Alcohol and drugs were no longer serving me in a productive way. Did I read any 12 Step books? No, but I bought some. Have I been attending 12 Step meetings? The only meetings I've attended were during Burning Man.

So, why am I writing this? It is probable that I will eventually smoke again. Not a lot, and not to self-medicate. For over a year I've been weighing the pros and cons of introducing marijuana back into my life.  Pot gave me energy, helped me exercise, and expanded my mind for more creative writing.

There are people who will think I am going on the wrong path. Some are just anti-marijuana, others may feel like I'm on a slippery slope back into addiction. I have thought long and hard about that and don't believe it to be true.  People say that cigarettes or marijuana are the gateway drugs, when in reality it is caffeine and alcohol--but I digress..... I haven't started smoking yet and I'm not even sure when I will. I say "when" because I do expect to smoke weed again. The circumstances will be right, and, this time around, it won't be an inadvertant "moment of weakness" or to mask unhappiness in my life.

Anxiety

I've been off my anxiety meds for the past 4 months. During the Thanksgiving holiday I took a few Xanax. They didn't make me feel drugged at all and helped me deal with stress. This makes me believe that I should go back on meds.

Changing

It's been a long few years with a couple close deaths.. I won't "get over" these losses but I am finally in recovery.

My physical health is improving. Several months ago I realized I had a problem with ephedrine. (This is not an anti-ephedrine post.) Ephedrine is a great drug. Unfortunately it got to the point where I was taking far too much and needed it to get by. At the time I thought it was helping me. Now I see I had become addicted and it was tearing me apart. When Nevada made ephedrine illegal in June, I quit cold turkey. Personally I feel it should be legal. However, I would probably still be taking it...

At the beginning of August I ran out of anxiety medication. I've been off since. Taking responsibility for my own emotions now.. Learning stress management. These past few months have been trying: I got robbed and foreclosed on a house. Luckily, I've learned good coping techniques. :-)

My body is tired of yo-yoing. Instead of living within a 20 pound range, I have adapted a new lifestyle. No more junk food. This has been the most amazing step. By eating properly my mind is clear and my body is in it's best shape ever!

Enthusiasm is creeping back onto my face.. I see opportunity in every new day, in every lesson life presents.. My youth is returning.

Watch out, world, Trixie is here to stay!