Someone recently asked me if I was still sober

I appreciate that people care and are concerned for me. Yes! I have three years sobriety for alcohol, drugs, and unhealthy sex.

Alcohol. My biggest triggers were Las Vegas and bad relationships. Once I quit stripping in Vegas (choosing to work in small towns instead), I broke the habit of drinking at work. At the time I decided to get sober, I also left an unhealthy relationship. This was eye-opening and it was a long time before I felt ready to commit again. While I miss drinking the occasional SweetWater Blue, for the most part not drinking is easy. No triggers = no desire.

Sometimes I miss weed. It's true. I have the opportunity often, yet always turn it down. Having ADD, weed gave me tons of energy. After I quit smoking, I immediately gained 10 pounds that I haven't been able to lose since.  *sigh*  Also, marijuana enhanced my sexual pleasure so much that I could even orgasm from giving head. I miss that! On the bright side, I am always sober and alert. I do not need to self-medicate and I remember much more.

This year at Burning Man I met a gorgeous man. It is rare that I look at a man and think "WOW!" So rare, in fact, that I can remember each one throughout my lifetime. This guy was that quality of eye candy! I've never had sex at Burning Man, and it had been awhile since I'd gotten laid in my personal life. But -- I am successfully reformed! No OMGHSH sex, no Craigslist sex, no sex without commitment. I did take lots of pictures of him, though.. ;)

(picture of me taken by a fellow Burner)

Now that I am no longer stripping, I work full-time cooking and cleaning for the man in my life. Whoever said "You can't turn a whore into a housewife" was wrong.  :-p  Ok, so I wasn't a whore, but close enough in most people's eyes.

My life is simple and drama-free. Nobody causes me stress (those who had were phased out long ago). I am healthy, sober, and happy. Everyday I am grateful.

The Men I've Loved

This year I am in a relationship...so, rather than writing an annual revamp of the "My Ideal Partner" list, I am sharing the diversity of men who previously captured my heart.




The Pool Boy - We had chemistry from the very first time we saw each other. I called you "Michelangelo's David" because you are physically perfect--just like the statue. Seriously, you are one of the most attractive men I've ever seen (and I've met Pierce Brosnan)! You called me "Ruby Tuesday." My wild side scared you and your irresponsibility scared me. We no longer talk.

The Millionaire - Our romance was straight out of a stripper fairytale. Flights, limos, day spas, 5-star hotels, lots of sex, intense partying. Sadly you died young; I've never gotten over that.

The Best Friend - Dating my best friend was ideal. Nobody else ever made me so happy. You loved me, cared for me, helped me grow, and encouraged me to follow my dreams. I did the same for you. You knew me better than anyone. We were healthy. A series of unfortunate events lead to our break-up.

The Stalker - You started by being my friend. When things weren't progressing fast enough, you tricked me into believing I was being harassed by an ex-boyfriend. I am ashamed to admit that I fell for it and ran straight to your arms for safety and comfort. Funny thing is, had you not done that, I would've been dating you within a few months anyway because I truly liked you. You were brilliant, funny, and awesome in bed. Once I discovered that it was actually you (and not the ex) who was terrorizing me, we were through.

The Biker - Ahhh, the man responsible for setting my libido for life! Most people find you too scary and wild, but that's not who you were with me. I ground you. You are still the same man--but I grew out of the "bad boy" phase. We've remained friends.

The Vampire - This is a weird one: I had a dream about you when I was twelve! Since I believe everything happens for a reason, when I saw you in real life I pursued you. It was important for me to understand why you were in my dream so many years earlier. You got lucky. If it wasn't for that dream, you would've been a couple night stand at best.

The Porno King - You've always treated me like a princess, even to this day. I have so much respect for you. In a different time we could've been an unstoppable couple. However, we had the time we had. It's amazing how similar we were. Thank you for our continued friendship and sharing yourself with me.


Like a typical Sagittarius, my life has been a collection of experiences. Love and lovers are no exception...and I've learned from them all.

Every man I like is different

Most people have a set "type" of person who they are attracted to. That doesn't apply to me. Every man I've been with is completely different than every other. With one exception--and he was a combination of everyone I had dated (weird, right?). I like variety.

Since I started attending adult entertainment conventions, I've been physical with only a few men in the industry.

Richard Young - He and I seriously dated for awhile. Not casual at all.

Roy Karch - We have always been good friends and dated briefly.

Jason Quinlan - Since 2005, Jay has been my default go-to guy whenever I've been single. We've never dated and there's no drama; we are fuck buddies--nothing more. Pretty impressive in the sack and always makes me squirt. If you have ever wondered why he gets so much pussy, he DESERVES IT!

someone else who shall remain nameless - I was horny, Jay was unavailable, this man was in town. A random industry hookup--not something I do.

Despite working as a stripper for years, I can be shy when it comes to my personal life. Most of the men I've had mini-crushes on never knew:
(A couple are taken. A few are missed opportunities. Some still make me wonder...)
Huda Mahdi - Absolute gentleman. He is awesome; the type of man one hopes to marry. Of course he lives half a world away and already has an incredibly gorgeous girlfriend. She is a lucky lucky girl.

Mackenzie McAleer - Handsome, intelligent, ex-pat with a zest for life. HOT!

Brad Mitchell - LOL, Brad. Totally the kind of geek I would date. He's been on my Yes list for a long time but, since he's married, I've kept my distance.

Vid Vicious - I have so much respect for this man. One of the few exceptions to my "no casual sex" rule...I would do Vid. Always a complete gentleman.

Charles Michael - We have been flirting for years. He's smart, cute, funny, and a gentleman. I could seriously date him. Too bad he lives in cold Canada.

Kevin Blatt - We have tons in common and mutual interests. With all the hours we used to chat on the phone, yeah, I'm curious...

Halcyon - Back in the day I would've jumped at the opportunity for a threeway with Tassy and Halcyon but never got the chance.

Lance Harrell - Total cutie! We are into a lot of the same things sexually. Unfortunately, we know each other too well to date or play. *sigh*

Dave Urban - So gorgeous that I can barely speak in his presence.

Marc Womack - Had I been single, I probably would've offered up a threeway with him and Shey. He just oozes "good in bed"; so does she.

Christopher Keller and Mike Tompkins - Both are too young for me to pursue, but in masturbation land they are my boy toys.


Do I stay single because of shyness? Not at all. I enjoy being single.
For me to get in a relationship, that person has to be someone I like "as-is".

If I have to change someone, then it won't work (for either of us).
This is why I like to know someone well before we move forward.


It isn't fun being surprised with incompatibilities after it's too late. That said, even the majority of the men on my crush list are not men whom I would actually date.

I am ready to start dating again

Even before my first kiss, I read "Looking For Mr. Goodbar" and "Men in Love". Monogamy isn't natural so trust and honesty are key. The movie, "Chasing Amy", fits me and my life. I am grateful for all of my experiences and have few regrets.. In "The Banger Sisters", I am internally both women. "The Ethical Slut" is the handbook which best describes how I view relationships. Men who date me can never deal with the reality of who I was and am now. Lately, I have been seriously considering living as a lesbian.

In order to be anything other than just a fuck, I need to spend months getting to know the other person first. This is non-negotiable. My partner and I should be best friends. If we are best friends first AND have chemistry, everything else will be there.

I want a life partner; someone I can count on always.