Celibacy no more

Recently I had sex. I've missed sex for a long time. Now that I've had my itch scratched, I crave more. Those who have spoken to me know I'm a highly sexual person. Those who've experienced me know that that is an understatement. I enjoy sex...a lot. It's the act of sex which I enjoy. I'd rather fuck for 4 hours and not orgasm at all than have sex for 20 minutes ending with a great orgasm.

So, why did I stop having sex last year? Simple: to put an end to the drama in my life. Huh? Without a sexual partner, nobody was close enough to create drama for me. If someone tried, I'd just walk away.

How is now different? After removing the drama from my life and getting sober (14 months now!) I see the world clearly again. I know what I want out of life and what I don't. Just because sex is great isn't a good enough reason to date someone. I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone and I'm also not a casual sex kind of girl...

Here are the only reasonable options I have been able to come up with to stay single AND get laid regularly:

(1) I could have a long-term fuck buddy. = I already have one and he is fun (will happily refer for hot females). He has been my default go-to guy for several years whenever I've been single (although obviously not during my celibacy stint).... He lives far away and never pressures me. Unfortunately, his availability is limited. Finding a quality replacement would be tough.

(2) I could be a porn star. = I have given this serious consideration. Fuck buddy sex is meaningless fun. Becoming a porn star would also bring fame and fortune. And since the sex would be for work, it wouldn't feel casual. Not to mention I have a lot of friends in this industry; if I decide to go this route it'll be easy.

(3) I could escort. = This is another scenario I have thought a lot about. My libido can easily handle four times per day. Escorting would combine the pros of having a fuck buddy (non-committal drama-free sex) with the pros of being a porn star (lots of cash with sex being justified as work). From working as a stripper and being an escort client for much of my adult life, I understand this business reasonably well. Realistically, I worry I'd get addicted to having sex so often and enjoy it entirely too much.

AVN is in a few months. I have a lot to think about....

My celibacy journey

It is no secret that I am a sex addict. I have alluded to it in previous postings and openly talk about it with my friends. My libido craves 4 times per day at a few hours per session. After my last relationship ended, I decided that good sex isn't worth the drama anymore and made a decision to remain celibate.

When I first started this journey, it was difficult. I read Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addictionand filled out the worksheets inside. It is important to mention that this also included no masturbation so initially I was chewing skin which had previously been covered by fingernails.



After the first few weeks, a strange clarity swept over me and life became peaceful and less stressful. This was unexpected and is the reason I've been able to maintain abstinence. All my friends have been very supportive (even if they don't fully understand) and have seen positive changes in me. Selfishly-motivated people cannot hide their disdain and are phased out of my life.

For a woman with a high sex drive, even a few months is an eternity--and it has been MUCH longer than that. In fact, I realized today that this is actually the longest I have refrained from sex since the very first time I had sex! Celibacy isn't a lifetime decision for me, but it is still the right choice for now. How long will it be before I have sex again? I have no idea. Jokingly I say I am waiting until marriage and, who knows, maybe...