Next week marks 7 years since I quit drinking

    It has been easy to stay quit.  I have not been attending AA. I do read self-help books. I was never an alcoholic. I decided one day to quit and I did. To give AA credit where credit is due, I did a 4-day crash course on the 12-steps. It was horribly intensive and taught me that I had a lot of deep negative emotions, that I wasn't perfect, and how to forgive. I also removed myself from the negative people and toxic situations. About 6 months after I quit, then the reality of everything I ignored when I drank was in my face. Wow. That was stressful. I realized that I did not like the person I had become. The second half of that first year I spent actively writing down goals and working on change to optimize my health and happiness.

Buy from Amazon

I have never read a self-help book for alcoholic...until now. Honestly I thought I didn't need it. However, recently I found a book that I would like to recommend for everyone who grew up in an alcoholic home. I did, and I had no idea that my childhood environment was responsible for so many of my adult problems. The book happens to be an out-of-print parenting book. Because of its parenting approach, I am able to get two perspectives out of it: myself as a child growing up in that environment and as the messed up adult. Buy it if you are ready to heal: The ACOA's Guide to Raising Healthy Children: A Parenting Handbook for the Adult Children of Alcoholics.


I know I haven't posted photos in a very long time...

So this was me back when I drank:

And this is now:

Happy birthday to all my Leo friends.

Gun Appreciation Day

If GUNS kill people, then PENCILS misspell words, CARS make people drive drunk, and SPOONS make people fat.

All of these tools can be used for positive or negative. The person wielding that tool is the one making the choice. Convict irresponsible people, don't villainize neutral tools.

GunAppreciationDay.com

Self-medicating Millionaires

How much of what we see on the media is real Charlie Sheen and how much is the spin created to make him look crazy? They edit out the normal.



I've never met Charlie but I recognize the path. Even his rants sound familiar.


Charlie Sheen reminds me of a very sweet ex-boyfriend--one of the few men whom I believe truly loved me. Like Charlie, my ex was an extremely successful "winner" who had more than enough money to buy anything he could ever want. Well, *almost* anything. Money can't buy lasting happiness from within.



Sadly, he self-medicated to such an extreme that, in 2005, he died at the young age of 47. A drug test wasn't done but I'm sure he would've had large amounts of cocaine, at least a .2 BAC, Xanax, Cialis, and marijuana in his system (at a minimum). All of his fame and fortune couldn't save him.

If Charlie doesn't start making better choices, I worry that he will end up with the same fate within a year. In my opinion, he hasn't totally lost his mind like Mel Gibson did...but his partying has caused a downward spiral that will be tough to reverse. I hope he is able to heal himself and live to become an even greater man.


There is another possibility that nobody is mentioning -- this could be an intentional marketing ploy.

What would be worth giving up $2 million an episode for? By Charlie Sheen going from being famous to infamous, now EVERYONE talks about him every day; he is on all the tv channels and gossip magazines, has millions of twitter followers, and thousands of people are blogging about him. Brilliant!! If this was a well thought-out deliberate plan to counter the negative Kacey Jordan press then he is even more of a genius than anyone has given him credit for.

"Alice"

Recently I have been looking at websites that I shouldn't. Not only did I fall off the wagon in this regard, it ran over me and took a picture. (No, you CAN'T see the picture! :-p)

So, I'll admit, tonight I was looking at escort ads... I've been celibate for so long now, I figured it couldn't hurt to check out some hot girls. With my history of hiring ladies, this is a slippery slope... But a smart man once told me that "We never do anything that we can't rationalize." I was being bad and knew it.

It just happened that I was lingering over a specific ad when I noticed someone posted a response comment:

Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.

Early on, we came to feel disconnected -- from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.

We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free of it was to do it. "Please connect with me and make me whole!" we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.

This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.

Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another because we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the "chemistry," the connection that had the magic, because it by-passed intimacy and true union. Fantasy corrupted the real; lust killed love.

First addicts, then love cripples, we took from others to fill up what was lacking in ourselves. Conning ourselves time and again that the next one would save us, we were really losing our lives.

Wow, what a slap in the face reminder! In case you don't recognize it, it is from Sexaholics Anonymous. I have been to a few dozen meetings--SA, AA, NA, OA. Next month marks one year completely sober from alcohol and drugs. Since I removed the triggers from my life, it's been easy. I've been telling myself that by remaining sober for a whole year would be proof that I can keep myself in check. My long term goal was never to quit forever, but to regain control of my life. After I achieve this goal I will likely indulge in an Ireland/Amsterdam vacation to celebrate. >;-)    

Unlike drugs and alcohol, giving up sex hasn't been as simple. Sex is a normal part of life; intimacy is too. I have refrained from both of these since last year. Considering I've been working in an adult environment, this is much harder than you can possibly imagine. And by my web use lately, it is apparent that full abstinence may not be the best solution for my sex addiction. But if not that, what?

Alchohol.....

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?


2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.


3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.


4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.


Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan


P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.