On the Down Low?

This blog post was inspired by the following redacted email which I received earlier today:

I had a friend in college...he dated women, got married, etc. When his wife announced that she is pregnant, he came out. It's pretty selfish to pull someone (and then a kid) into a life that cannot possibly end happily.

After living in Atlanta, I must say I am shocked by how many DL men there are. For those who are unaware, DL (down low) refers to discreet male-male hookup sex by men who publically identify as straight and often have wives or girlfriends.

 

A smart man once told me that "Nobody ever does anything that they cannot rationalize." That is true. Most of the DL men rationalize it by saying their woman doesn't give them enough sex, oral sex, some other fetish sex, or even that they are bisexual and need to have sex with both genders to feel satisfied. They justify their disloyalty by rationalizing why it should be okay. The men they hook up with are on the same page, which further reinforces their warped view of right versus wrong.

My sex drive is on the high end of healthy, I enjoy kinky sex, and I am bisexual--yet I can honestly say that I have never cheated. It is tough to get me to commit because I expect monogamy in my committed relationships. This is why I have only committed to 3 men in my life, the others never got to that point. In relationships where monogamy is negotiable, the couple still needs to discuss and agree upon acceptable alternatives BEFORE anything ever happens--otherwise it is cheating. Honesty and communication are essential for committed relationships to be healthy. If either are missing, at least one partner is being held hostage in a relationship he/she might not consent to otherwise.

Maybe it's because I was raised in California, but I cannot understand why a man would be so deceitful. If you like having sex with men, be open about it. Some women are really turned on by that! If you are gay and want children, there are plenty of women who would love to have a child but don't want a romantic relationship. If you are in a committed relationship, whether with a man or with a woman, having sex or getting sucked off by ANYONE else without your partner's knowledge and permission in advance is cheating. If the temptation is too great, leave your partner first. That shows respect. Cheating and exposing your partner to risk and humiliation is the ultimate in disrespect.

Not only is it scarring for a woman to find out her partner is going outside their relationship for sex with men, but there is also a huge safety issue. In 2011, Atlanta was 8th in the country for new HIV infections; now it is 4th. While most people won't choose to have sex with someone they know will give them a disease, 62% of aware HIV+ men have admitted to having unprotected sex within the past year. Not everyone honestly discloses their status, and many never get tested. Even scarier, much of the "down low" sex is with strangers.

For all the DL men, the female in your life deserves someone who will love her with loyalty and find her sexually attractive, not to be used as a "cover" to hide your sexual orientation or other secrets. If you are homosexual and afraid to be honest because of how people will view you,  move somewhere more open-minded (California?) where you can be your true self and start over.

If you stumbled upon this blog post after catching your man on the DL, contact the Straight Spouse Network to get support.

Your New Body in 30 Days

A friend of mine and I were recently talking about our bodies. She retired a decade ago and misses her stripper figure. To help her get back in shape, I sent her this email:

This is the Body Pump workout that I do at home: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhaKN8sAocI.

Keep in mind that it is easy to injure yourself with BodyPump. You must use proper form! This means always keep your wrists straight, never let your knees go pass your toes, in squat position all your weight should be on your heels (I lift my toes the whole time to be sure), and keep your chest "proud" throughout your workout. I recommend attending live classes because being in a group will help you get through when you want to stop (and you will want to stop early) and mirrors help with form. Start with only the bar for the first class. If you are not sore the next day, you were probably using incorrect form. If ever you feel like class was too easy (after the fact) or you don't get sore, it's time to up your weight with the minimum increment on each side. This class should always be challenging.

For cellulite, you should do body scrubs: http://www.essenceofmyinstincts.com/the-importance-of-a-good-scrub-body-brushing-and-exfoliation/. In addition, you need to drink a ton of water. Whatever your weight is, divide by half, and that is your minimum amount of required daily water. For example, I weigh 140, divided in half means I need a minimum of 70 ounces of water per day. If you want to lost weight, it's even more: http://www.slenderkitchen.com/how-to-calculate-how-much-water-you-should-drink-a-day/.

This is not easy. It may be the hardest you've ever worked on your body. But I guarantee that if you do an hour class 3 times per week, within a month your body will be changed. And, if you also add 2-3 spin classes per week during that same month, you will go from however you look now back to having a body you will be proud of.

I forgot to add: what you eat is extremely important! Seriously. You can't make a regular habit of eating fast food and have a ripped body. When you start tracking, you may be surprised at where your calories are coming from and which activities burn the most. There are several free programs which help you do this. For your smart phone, MyFitnessPal and LoseIt are the most popular. Enter in all your food, exercise, and weigh-ins. Chances are you'll lose weight from making smarter food choices.

Are you ready for your new body? Then take control of yourself and get it! It only takes 30 days to make an impressive change. This is what I do and it will work for you, too.  :)

The Perfect Body

My computer wallpaper shows the body which I consider ideal:


Staring at her reminds and motivates me to eat healthy and exercise. Who is she? Her body is phenomenal.

When I quit smoking pot, I gained 10 pounds that I haven't been able to lose. Today is Renewal Day, and I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to get my model body back.

My ass

Sorry, I like to tease..... :-p