Man Up to indecision

This post was on a message board I read:

There is an old French proverb which states, "There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience." It certainly applies in your current situation. He chose to drag out the inevitable end to the relationship simply because he couldn't make a decision and subsequently stand behind it. It proved easier for him to allow you to suffer his indecisiveness than to man up when he most needed to be strong. You will continue to hurt in the meantime but in the end, how much did you really lose?

In most cases, refusing to make a decision is a decision within itself. The comment above uses the words "man up" and I agree with this completely. More often than not, it is the male species which keeps the female on hold due to their own indecision. These males are not men, they are boys playing games (both with themselves and others). It is important to be a grown-up, a man, and act accordingly. This is true with both friends and lovers, and compounded when emotions are involved. You owe--out of respect--to be forthcoming regarding your decisions and not make others wait around. Everyone deserves honesty. In the case where the eventual result is ending of a relationship, dragging it out is cowardly and iniquitous.

A Man is Only As Good As His Word

 "I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." -- Pietro Aretino  

When you are dishonest about who you are, what you think, and your behaviors, you trick people into believing you are someone you are not. Maybe they would've accepted you for you, or maybe not...but, by lying, you took away their choice. The frequency and severity of your lies directly correlates to the amount of trauma people experience when your lies are discovered. You stole invested time while hurting another human's self-esteem and ability to trust.

It is far more rewarding to have 3 friends who know and love the true you than 3000 who love a fake fabricated shell. The latter isn't real and will eventually crumble. If you lie out of fear, your lies will eventually cause the rejection or loss you are trying to avoid--and maybe even worse.




A man is only as good as his word

When I make the choice to let someone new into my inner world, I let that person in completely. This is unusual and some people don't believe it. Afterall, if I exposed THAT, what must I really be hiding? I am shocked by this pessimistic view of the world. Yes I put myself at higher risk of getting hurt by unscrupulous people but, at the same time, I open myself up to real connection that otherwise wouldn't be possible.

Quality, not quantity

We attract those into our life who are like us or need to fill a need in our lives. I no longer believe most people are evil and therefore don't need friends who are sneaky or dishonest in order to covertly learn about this "other side". Doing so has backfired on me in the past and attracted negative elements into my life; I won't continue negative patterns.

From now on I only keep friends who are in line with my integrity. If someone is not, I will create space between us until we are nothing more than acquaintances. I apologize to anyone who is/becomes phased out of my life; it isn't personal against you. Instead this is required for me to remain true to myself and lovingly share my truth with others.

Definition of integrity

Integrity comes from the Greek words 'integritas' and 'integra' meaning whole. It enters into any aspect of one's life. It's belief system without faltering no matter how dangerous, how unpopular the person makes themselves to others. It includes: sincerity, keeping one's word and agreements, honesty, truthfulness, ethics, fairness and justice, punctuality and never faltering for what one believes in. A quote regarding integrity is 'It is better to have an enemy who keeps his word, than a friend who does not.'

Life is too short to cheat yourself out of or waste on other people. Choose your friends and partners well. Integrity is mandatory.