2013 = Lent Fail

While nobody would ever know if I didn't out myself, I feel obligated to report what happened with Lent this year. My sickness lasted a few weeks and, during that time, I didn't exercise. Because of this, I halted ALL fines. Even though I didn't last 40 days, my Lent 2013 experience wasn't a waste. I made some changes I am pleased with:

• my cursing has reduced dramatically
• I eat sweet potatoes often as an alternative to sugar-sweets
• my exercise routine has intensified

Lent 2013 - First 10 days

25% of the way through and so far my "Lent Jar" contains $24. Here is a summary of my first 10 days of Lent:

February 14 - Cursed 4 times = $8. Had dream I ate sweets but, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 15 - Cursed 1 time = $2.
February 16 - Cursed 3 times = $6.
February 17-19 - No fines!
February 20 - Cursed 2 times = $4.
February 21 - No fines!
February 22 - Cursed 2 times = $4. Also had dream I cursed 3 more times...but again, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 23 - No fines!

Sugar has been easier than I expected. My diet is pretty healthy, so this extra step just eliminates items I shouldn't be eating.

Cheese has been tougher than expected--especially while eating out! Cheese is in many of the foods I love.

Of course I have cursed, but it's going better than anticipated. This is a nasty tough habit to break.

I've always been a weight lift girl, so daily cardio is new for me. I am happy to say that, since the treadmill and I have become friends, my body is showing results.  :)

Today I am sick (flu?). I would have forced myself to go to the gym anyway, but someone reminded me Sundays are taken off during Lent. Yes! Just to be clear: I'm not doing this for any of my sacrifices. I'll accept this cardio holiday because it is best to heal before taxing my body further.

No Sugar-coated Kisses

It is sadly ironic that Valentine's Day this year falls during Lent...

No sugar-coated kisses, chocolates, or cake for Trixie. :(

 

 

Happy Valentine's Day!!

While looking for images for this post, I stumbled across the one below and learned that sugar is now genetically modified!! There are many reasons to avoid genetically modified (GMO) foods. Learn how.



No Frankensugar!!

It is scary just how our food supply is becoming a science project. While we know that genetically modified crops are killing the honey bees (!), we don't know the long-term effects on humans yet. What an unbelievable and stupid risk!    Have you seen Children of Men?

Ash Wednesday

Not being religious, I am lucky that I found out Lent started today.

The way the brain works, if you can do something for 21 days you can make a permanent change. Lent is 40 days.

This year for Lent I am consciously giving up (1) sugar, (2) cheese, and (3) cursing. In addition to these sacrifices, I will do a minimum of 30 minutes cardio every single day for these next 40 days.

New for this year, I am also going to add financial consequences for slip-ups.

Eating sugar - $10 
Eating cheese - $10
Cursing - $2  (I'm scared this one may add up quickly)
Missing cardio day - $20

These fines are designed to get me back on proper course --not a "cheat pass" opportunity . Because my full intention is to succeed, I am not even thinking up what to do with any money that ends up in the Lent fund (hopefully there will be none).  I officially start tomorrow.   :)

The dos and don'ts of internet dating

When people decide to use the internet to find a potential partner, many don't know what to do. It's easier than you might think! Here is your short guide: 1) Have a detailed profile. One of the biggest mistakes men often make is not writing enough. There are a disproportionate amount of men on dating sites, so most women get bombarded with attention. Unless your profile says something to stand out and spark interest, most women won't waste their time responding. Also, have a positive tone to your profile; negative comments are a turn off. Writing a quality profile is an investment. 2) The goal is to meet in person, so upload at least one photo. This should go without saying, but sadly many people mess this up so I'll spell it out: THE PHOTO SHOULD BE OF YOU, representative of what you currently look like, and recent!! If someone chooses to meet you after seeing your pics, then your looks are good enough. :)   Using a non-accurate photo says you are dishonest, and most likely will cause your date to be dissapointed in your appearance. In the comment fields it is always good to list the month and year that each picture was taken. 3) Be honest. No matter who you are and what you're looking for, there is someone for everyone. Being honest is essential to finding the most compatible person for you. 4) Smile in your pictures. This is the #1 thing I look for. When a man doesn't smile in his photos, he doesn't seem like a happy person or fun to spend time with. Taking happy photos will bring you better luck. ** Six months ago I took pictures of a friend of mine for his online dating profile. Before that, he never smiled for photos which made him look grumpy/older in his pics. Needless to say, he got little response. A geeky smile--or any kind of unnatural smile--is always more inviting than a non-smile. :)  The way I took new smile pictures was to have my camera ready and I snapped photos whenever he laughed. It took a weekend to get a few good ones, but afterward he had much better dating luck and now has a girlfriend! 5) If you initiate contact with someone, write at least a couple paragraphs. I know, some people are rude and don't reply. However, you are looking for a new PARTNER here, so spend at least a couple minutes to show you're interested. Bring up something specific from their profile that makes you think the two of you will be compatible. Rule of thumb: your message should always be a minimum of 300 characters. Realistically, double the length of a text message or tweet. Sending anything shorter screams "You are not worthy of my time." 6) Reply to all messages that you receive. This one is sometimes tough, especially if you get a lot of messages. However, even a "Thank you for your message, but I am not interested" goes a long way. 7) For the men, always be a gentlemen! It seems few actually know what this means anymore (very sad). Here's a link to remind/teach you: http://www.askmen.com/money/successful/41b_success.html Good luck! Everyone deserves to find that special someone who makes them happy.  :)

Listen to the words

Everybody has liked a song--even caught themselves singing the chorus--without ever really paying attention to all the words. That was my experience today when I finally heard this song's story for the first time. The lyrics portray the sad life of an attractive female drug addict. This is the life of too many. Reminds me of Vegas.

 

White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste

Lights gone, days end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen

But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream 

The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside, tonight

And in a pipe she flies to the motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly, for angels to fly

Ripped gloves, raincoat
Tried to swim and stay afloat
Dry house, wet clothes

Loose change, bank notes
Weary-eyed, dry throat
Call girl, no phone

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen 

But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream 

The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
But she don't want to go outside, tonight

And in a pipe she flies to the motherland
Or sells love to another man
Its too cold outside
For angels to fly

An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life

This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen 

But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
They scream 

The worst things in life come free to us
And we're all under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And we don't want to go outside, tonight

And in the pipe we fly to the motherland
We sell love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly, angels to fly 

To fly, fly
For angels to fly, to fly, to fly
Angels to die  

New Year Resolutions

The secret to New Years Resolutions is to only commit to changes that you really want.

Every year people make New Year resolutions that they are unable to stick to. No, that's not accurate.. Every year people make New Year resolutions that they are unwilling to stick to. We make choices in life; if your New Year resolution is to eat better or exercise--and then you don't, it's because you chose not to stick to it. This means that making a resolution that you don't want to stick to is either torturing yourself or lying to yourself.

What is my New Year resolution for 2013? I will stop hitting curbs with my tire or rim. It's not that I am particularly a bad driver, I just haven't been careful enough when parking. My goal is reasonable and I am ready to make this change. Since January 1st, I've been parking while consciously paying attention to where my tires are (in the past I would focus on why I was parking instead of being active in the moment). This is an easy change which only requires dedication. In a few weeks, my brain should be re-programmed to always park this way.  :)

Why did I not choose eating properly or exercise, like millions of other people? Easy. I do these things already. Well, at least 90% of the time.  Not because they were successful during a previous New Year resolution, but because this is the lifestyle I've trained myself to be happy with.

Making resolutions is awesome. It is a way every year to fix something about yourself...something that you are ready to change and are willing to tackle all year long.

Cake For Breakfast

Parents often don't pay enough attention to what they say to their children. They make little comments which shape us forever. Like many children, I liked sugar a lot and would question my parents as to why I wasn't allowed to eat more of it. I clearly remember my parents saying, "You can eat cake for breakfast everyday when you're an adult."

During my adult life, my parents stopped by unannounced on a few occasions when I happened to be eating cake for breakfast. They didn't say anything. One time my dad actually joined me for a yummy slice of chocolate cake. Confirmation!

I'm writing this today as I feel sick from eating a few slices of lemon cake. Not thin slices, but 1/8 of a double-layered cake slices. One slice would be perfect, but people with addictive personalities (like me) have difficulty with moderation. For the most part, I've been very good over the past year at giving up cake. However, this was birthday cake...

 

It was a fun birthday. Earlier in the week a friend treated me to a massage. Then, on my birthday, my best friend flew out from California to celebrate with my man and I. :)  More people than ever contacted me to wish me a happy birthday. My entire inbox is full with messages and singing videos. Totally awesome.   :)

 

Someone recently asked me if I was still sober

I appreciate that people care and are concerned for me. Yes! I have three years sobriety for alcohol, drugs, and unhealthy sex.

Alcohol. My biggest triggers were Las Vegas and bad relationships. Once I quit stripping in Vegas (choosing to work in small towns instead), I broke the habit of drinking at work. At the time I decided to get sober, I also left an unhealthy relationship. This was eye-opening and it was a long time before I felt ready to commit again. While I miss drinking the occasional SweetWater Blue, for the most part not drinking is easy. No triggers = no desire.

Sometimes I miss weed. It's true. I have the opportunity often, yet always turn it down. Having ADD, weed gave me tons of energy. After I quit smoking, I immediately gained 10 pounds that I haven't been able to lose since.  *sigh*  Also, marijuana enhanced my sexual pleasure so much that I could even orgasm from giving head. I miss that! On the bright side, I am always sober and alert. I do not need to self-medicate and I remember much more.

This year at Burning Man I met a gorgeous man. It is rare that I look at a man and think "WOW!" So rare, in fact, that I can remember each one throughout my lifetime. This guy was that quality of eye candy! I've never had sex at Burning Man, and it had been awhile since I'd gotten laid in my personal life. But -- I am successfully reformed! No OMGHSH sex, no Craigslist sex, no sex without commitment. I did take lots of pictures of him, though.. ;)

(picture of me taken by a fellow Burner)

Now that I am no longer stripping, I work full-time cooking and cleaning for the man in my life. Whoever said "You can't turn a whore into a housewife" was wrong.  :-p  Ok, so I wasn't a whore, but close enough in most people's eyes.

My life is simple and drama-free. Nobody causes me stress (those who had were phased out long ago). I am healthy, sober, and happy. Everyday I am grateful.

MagicJack is now a SCAM

I was a happy MagicJack user for a few years, evening buying several extras as gifts for friends. Magicjack promotes itself claiming that by purchasing their device and service you receive unlimited free calling within the Unites States. However, they are now charging for these same calls. By no longer offering the service which their customers paid for, they are committing fraud.

If you are considering getting MagicJack, don't! If you already have them, post an online review. If you can still charge it back with your bank, do.

---

Here was my interaction with them today:

Scarlet: Hello, how may I help you?

Me: Yes, I have had MagicJack for a few years and it has always worked properly. Now it is charging me to make calls. These are not international calls, but calls within the United States. My plan states that these calls should be free and always have been until today. Obviously, there is a mistake on MagicJack's end. When will this be fixed?

Scarlet: Let me help you with that.

Scarlet: May I have the first and last name of the account please?

Me: [My name]

Scarlet: Thanks. Is this your number, [My phone number]?

Me: yes

Scarlet: "You need to add prepaid minutes if you are calling a conference line, platforms or other non-ILEC areas"- is this the recording you've heard?

Me: The recording said that my call (which has always been free) will now be decucted from my pre-paid minutes. This is not ok.

Scarlet: Unfortunately, you will need a prepaid minutes if you hear that recording.

Scarlet: It is in our Terms of Service.

Scarlet: We may require prepaid purchase and/or we may charge you for calls to conference lines, platforms and certain non-ILEC area calls, or any call wherein we incur a cost from another carrier. We may provide for a fee, premium prepaid services, which may be powered by YMAX Communications Corp. (YMAX), and may include some inbound, international, conference, platform and outbound calls that receive a recording and certain calls to non-ILEC areas, and the rates for those services will be governed by listed price lists or tariffs.

Me: This is a local US call. It is to a landline in Pennsylvania and has always been free up to now.

Me: I have 2 magicjack plus which I haven't activated yet. If this is a new policy, MagicJack has really went against what was promised when I purchased and I would like to get a refund for those.

Scarlet: May I have your magicJack Sales Order Number for the magicJack PLUS?

Me: [My MagicJack Plus Order Numbers]

Scarlet: Thank you. Please wait, while I check it for you.

Scarlet: Order Number: [my order number]. Order Date: 06/02/2012 we cannot issue a refund for this order since it is past 30 days Free Trial Period.

Me: But the magicjacks were never activated and I ONLY bought it because MagicJack claimed "Free Local and Long Distance charges". This is apparently no longer true, therefore I would like a refund.

Scarlet: We can only issue a refund if it's within 30 Day Free Trial period.

Me: Wow, then MagicJack is no longer honoring their contract and policy. If this cannot be resolved, I will be forced to contact my bank regarding these fradulent charges, I paid for a service that is not being offered. This is fraud.

Scarlet: You are aware of the 30 Day Free Trial. We cannot issue a refund for the order you made.

Me: Magicjack is committing fraud.

Me: I am going to contact my bank immediately.

Me: I have already been using the main account, but I will charge back the other two lines which were never activated,

Scarlet: I believe that I have already provided you all the information needed and that we are keep on repeating the same process. I would like to ask permission to end this conversation with you. Thank you

Since we haven't heard from you, we must release this chat. Please click here should you need further assistance: www.magicJack.com/techchat

** Not knowing that she immediately ended the session, I wrote the following reply:

Me: You do not have permission. This has not been resolved. Please give me a phone number to call and speak with someone live.

You are not currently in a chat session.

This company does not care about their customers and is now running on a rip-off model. I pre-paid five years each for unlimited calling for several phone lines. Several lines which will no longer be used because MagicJack is now charging for what they claim is free. This is fraud! Don't trust them. MagicJack is no longer the good company they once were. Do not believe any good reviews you may read; check the dates on them, they will be old.

Time to go home

Once again it is that time of year. BURNING MAN!! This is the first year that I am going with someone--a Virgin Burner. We have ordered all our neccesary supplies and are looking forward to an amazing week retreat.

Tougher than I thought it would be.

Luckily, the juice didn't taste bad. I consumed enough liquid calories that I wasn't physically hungry, but the lack of solids made me mentally hungry. Once it was time to go back to solid food, I had a gyro. This first meal made me disoriented and sick...so much so that someone else had to drive me home. After a few hours of rest, the headache went away.

The pros of the juice fast: I lost 10 pounds, my skin texture improved, I received tons of nutrients I'm normally deficient in, I detoxed my body.

The cons: same liquid meal for several days, the feeling of hunger, being up at 2am looking at pictures of food like other people look at porn.

Overall, I was very happy with my experience fasting. My friends and I all plan on doing the juice fast again and, in the meantime, supplementing our diets with fresh green juice daily. :)

Juicing for health

A few of my close friends and I are all starting the "Reboot Your Life" juice fast. Different types of juicers juice differently, so for maximum yeild and nutritional count we got masticating juicers.

This is the same kind of juicer featured in the health documentaries: "Fat, Sick, And Nearly Dead", "The Gerson Miracle", and "Dying To Have Known".



We are doing a 10-day fast. Everyday we will consume a minimum of four 20oz juices plus 64oz of water. While we expect to lose weight, our real goal is to clean the junk out our bodies and increase our energy. Assuming we like the results, we may extend the fast to 30 days.

This is what each juice meal will consist of:
6 Kale Leaves
1 Cucumber
4 Celery Stalks
2 Green Apples
1/2 Lemon
1 tablespoon of ginger

Wish us luck!

Celebrate your freedom

      Today in the United States; we celebrate our nation's independence. Why not take a moment to celebrate your independence as well? Whether you've found freedom from an addiction or from codependency, or you've discovered the freedom to live your life as fully as possible, take a moment to honor and acknowledge how much that freedom means to you. It's good to identify our problems. Through the awareness of what's wrong and what's broken, we learn what to repair and fix. It's good to focus on the health and the goodness in our lives, too. Becoming aware of what's right and what's working is how we discover joy. Look back along the winding road of the path of your life. See how far you've come? It looks good to me. How does it look to you? Hurray! We're finally free! God, thank You for setting me free.
(Taken from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie)

Today isn't just a National holiday; for me, it is also a personal holiday. Three years ago I left an unhealthy relationship. At the time he didn't realize the significance of my leaving on Independence Day--but I did. The month after leaving him I got sober and have been ever since. I "fixed" my life and unchained myself from addiction to drugs, alcohol, and sex. I am happily free.

Happy Independence Day!

$100,000 reward + Good Karma

Were you in or near Golden Gate Park Thanksgiving weekend 2008? Maybe you saw something and didn't realize it. Or, maybe you overheard someone bragging about shooting a young man in the back, or jacking a cell phone or sweatshirt at gunpoint. By turning this person in you can earn good karma PLUS a $100,000 reward. That's right, there is a huge price on the head of Brandon Evans's murderer.



Brandon Lee Evans was shot in the back and killed on November 29, 2008, after being robbed of his cell phone and Hieroglyphics sweater at a local music event in San Francisco. He was barely 20 years old. www.justiceforbrandon.com

Click HERE to download Flyer. (PDF format)

Please visit www.justiceforbrandon.com for more information.

Don't forget these moms on Mothers Day

Mothers Day comes only once per year. Even if you rarely communicate with your mom, you should go out of your way to make her feel special today. And, after you have, other "forgotten" moms deserve recognition too:

(1) Single dads. Yes, they are both the mother and the father of the children they raise.

(2) Widowers who lost the mother of their children, and children/adults who've lost their mother. Share a happy memory you have of her with the survivors and offer a hug.

(3) Any woman whose child passed away (either as a child or as an adult) especially needs to be acknowledged. Trust me, she hasn't forgotten giving birth nor her parenting memories. A lot of people are afraid that saying something may make her depressed. In reality, not saying anything will cause the greatest saddest and make her feel as if nobody remembers.

Make more than just your mom feel loved today. Happy Mother's Day!

Cracker Jacks

2005 and 2006 were very tough years for me. Among other catastrophes, a few of my loved ones died unexpectedly. While I won't ever "get over" their deaths, eventually I stopped self-medicating and learned healthy coping and acceptance.

As part of my sobriety, I receive a daily "gift" email. Here's today's:

"Each day is different and has a surprise in it, like a Cracker Jack box."
-- Alpha English
It's interesting to ponder the notion of surprise. Not every one of them is all that welcome. Hearing bad news about a friend or having a special trip we'd been counting on canceled can leave us dismayed and worried, right along with surprised. Seeking solace from others while cultivating a willingness to accept that all things happen for a reason gives us the armor we need to make the best of every situation and disappointment. It's an interesting image to think of each day as a box of Cracker Jacks. The moments of our lives have been very tasty. Some were sweet, some were a bit salty, and there were always wholly unexpected moments, the surprises that we were ready for even though we may not have imagined as much. We can look forward to the same daily agenda throughout the remaining years. Does it help to know that there is a divine plan unfolding in our lives? Many of us find comfort in that. All of us can cultivate that belief. I am ready for my surprise today! It is meant for me at this time.

Being the anniversary of my sister's death, today's message hit home. Some surprises are good, some bad, some wonderful, others horrific. Often you can't change what happened. Living a good life, being kind to people, having a quality support system, and remaining positive, are the secrets to enjoying the prize at the bottom of your Cracker Jacks box.

Happy Easter/Celebrity Zombie Day

---

Lent's over, how did I do?
Cursing: While I wasn't able to quit, I made a dramatic reduction. Honestly, I had no idea my mouth was so foul. *sigh* Quitting cold turkey is asking too much. This was still a good exercise, though, and I am going to continue monitoring my cursing so hopefully by next year bad words won't just "slip out" unintended.

Masturbation: It was tough at first, especially since I was reading erotica and participating in adult chats. When I quit doing those things, it became much easier. I will admit to having a similar lapse in judgement a few more times; however, I successfully made it through by choosing not to masturbate.

Now excuse me while I play catch up... ;)

The Men I've Loved

This year I am in a relationship...so, rather than writing an annual revamp of the "My Ideal Partner" list, I am sharing the diversity of men who previously captured my heart.




The Pool Boy - We had chemistry from the very first time we saw each other. I called you "Michelangelo's David" because you are physically perfect--just like the statue. Seriously, you are one of the most attractive men I've ever seen (and I've met Pierce Brosnan)! You called me "Ruby Tuesday." My wild side scared you and your irresponsibility scared me. We no longer talk.

The Millionaire - Our romance was straight out of a stripper fairytale. Flights, limos, day spas, 5-star hotels, lots of sex, intense partying. Sadly you died young; I've never gotten over that.

The Best Friend - Dating my best friend was ideal. Nobody else ever made me so happy. You loved me, cared for me, helped me grow, and encouraged me to follow my dreams. I did the same for you. You knew me better than anyone. We were healthy. A series of unfortunate events lead to our break-up.

The Stalker - You started by being my friend. When things weren't progressing fast enough, you tricked me into believing I was being harassed by an ex-boyfriend. I am ashamed to admit that I fell for it and ran straight to your arms for safety and comfort. Funny thing is, had you not done that, I would've been dating you within a few months anyway because I truly liked you. You were brilliant, funny, and awesome in bed. Once I discovered that it was actually you (and not the ex) who was terrorizing me, we were through.

The Biker - Ahhh, the man responsible for setting my libido for life! Most people find you too scary and wild, but that's not who you were with me. I ground you. You are still the same man--but I grew out of the "bad boy" phase. We've remained friends.

The Vampire - This is a weird one: I had a dream about you when I was twelve! Since I believe everything happens for a reason, when I saw you in real life I pursued you. It was important for me to understand why you were in my dream so many years earlier. You got lucky. If it wasn't for that dream, you would've been a couple night stand at best.

The Porno King - You've always treated me like a princess, even to this day. I have so much respect for you. In a different time we could've been an unstoppable couple. However, we had the time we had. It's amazing how similar we were. Thank you for our continued friendship and sharing yourself with me.


Like a typical Sagittarius, my life has been a collection of experiences. Love and lovers are no exception...and I've learned from them all.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Another blogger I follow recently publicly shared a story about how her grandparents started dating. Here is an small excerpt:

He said she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, but everyone told him not to waste his time. In turn, she didn't give him the time of day ... until one day.

My granddaddy was driving the mule truck when she crossed the street in front of him. Instead of stopping for her, he hit the gas and stopped mere inches from hitting her.

That's when she spoke to him for the first time, although what she said wasn't very ladylike. But he just grinned.

When she asked what he thought was so damn funny, he just smiled some more and said, "I got you to talk to me."

Behaviors, like the grandfather's above, need to be acknowledged for what they are: unhealthy. Unfortunately, some people don't see the harm and sometimes even find it cute. That boggles my mind.

I posted a simple comment saying it is sad that some people get attracted by being treated poorly--and how that is psychotic. The blog owner was offended and deleted my comment.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last" exists because with tons of women it is true. They ignore the nice man who treats them with respect, instead falling for a jerk or "asshole" guy who doesn't treat them well (usually from the get-go). This happens so often that I've witnessed men who started off as nice guys become assholes because they were tired of losing out...and, sadly, they get more women. In the case above, the grandfather couldn't get the woman's attention until he put her safety at risk.

Assholes bait women with excitement, shock, fear, and/or drama. A common technique is to dish out back-handed compliments as part of the courting ritual. More women appear turned-on by these behaviors than turned-off. When it takes negative behaviors to snare a mate, additional negative behaviors are likely to escalate over time.

The more dysfunction you live with, the more normal it seems. Unconsciously people seek it out, getting into one unhealthy relationship after another. This also explains why women stay with bad men; toxicity is addictive and often interpreted as a "spark" or "chemistry". It is difficult to understand any other kind of life.

Several years ago I underwent training and certification for domestic violence and sexual assault counseling. Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is the easiest to spot, but mental, emotional, sexual, and financial can be just as harmful. When someone is mean and/or violent towards you and you remain part of that person's life, you reward and reinforce their negative behavior. And...your self-esteem suffers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
During my life, I've had healthy relationships and unhealthy ones. In hindsight, the unhealthy ones could've been spotted from the very beginning--and should've been. People need to respect each other, themselves included. After lots of therapy and self-reflection, I recognized that I was drawn to the excitement of drama and was able to break that cycle. Now, I would never consider dating an "asshole". Nice guys only. :)

Nice guys usually remain nice guys for many years before converting into assholes. Which is better? Depends on who you want to date and what her values are. Women who are attracted to the "Bad boy" or asshole type, usually take years of abuse before breaking their cycle. So, if you want to date young women, being an asshole is often more effective. *sigh*     Supply and demand: the older a woman gets, the fewer nice guys are out there. So, for women 30+, being a nice guy totally pays off and women will appreciate you.