Time to go home

Once again it is that time of year. BURNING MAN!! This is the first year that I am going with someone--a Virgin Burner. We have ordered all our neccesary supplies and are looking forward to an amazing week retreat.

Tougher than I thought it would be.

Luckily, the juice didn't taste bad. I consumed enough liquid calories that I wasn't physically hungry, but the lack of solids made me mentally hungry. Once it was time to go back to solid food, I had a gyro. This first meal made me disoriented and sick...so much so that someone else had to drive me home. After a few hours of rest, the headache went away.

The pros of the juice fast: I lost 10 pounds, my skin texture improved, I received tons of nutrients I'm normally deficient in, I detoxed my body.

The cons: same liquid meal for several days, the feeling of hunger, being up at 2am looking at pictures of food like other people look at porn.

Overall, I was very happy with my experience fasting. My friends and I all plan on doing the juice fast again and, in the meantime, supplementing our diets with fresh green juice daily. :)

Juicing for health

A few of my close friends and I are all starting the "Reboot Your Life" juice fast. Different types of juicers juice differently, so for maximum yeild and nutritional count we got masticating juicers.

This is the same kind of juicer featured in the health documentaries: "Fat, Sick, And Nearly Dead", "The Gerson Miracle", and "Dying To Have Known".



We are doing a 10-day fast. Everyday we will consume a minimum of four 20oz juices plus 64oz of water. While we expect to lose weight, our real goal is to clean the junk out our bodies and increase our energy. Assuming we like the results, we may extend the fast to 30 days.

This is what each juice meal will consist of:
6 Kale Leaves
1 Cucumber
4 Celery Stalks
2 Green Apples
1/2 Lemon
1 tablespoon of ginger

Wish us luck!

Celebrate your freedom

      Today in the United States; we celebrate our nation's independence. Why not take a moment to celebrate your independence as well? Whether you've found freedom from an addiction or from codependency, or you've discovered the freedom to live your life as fully as possible, take a moment to honor and acknowledge how much that freedom means to you. It's good to identify our problems. Through the awareness of what's wrong and what's broken, we learn what to repair and fix. It's good to focus on the health and the goodness in our lives, too. Becoming aware of what's right and what's working is how we discover joy. Look back along the winding road of the path of your life. See how far you've come? It looks good to me. How does it look to you? Hurray! We're finally free! God, thank You for setting me free.
(Taken from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie)

Today isn't just a National holiday; for me, it is also a personal holiday. Three years ago I left an unhealthy relationship. At the time he didn't realize the significance of my leaving on Independence Day--but I did. The month after leaving him I got sober and have been ever since. I "fixed" my life and unchained myself from addiction to drugs, alcohol, and sex. I am happily free.

Happy Independence Day!

$100,000 reward + Good Karma

Were you in or near Golden Gate Park Thanksgiving weekend 2008? Maybe you saw something and didn't realize it. Or, maybe you overheard someone bragging about shooting a young man in the back, or jacking a cell phone or sweatshirt at gunpoint. By turning this person in you can earn good karma PLUS a $100,000 reward. That's right, there is a huge price on the head of Brandon Evans's murderer.



Brandon Lee Evans was shot in the back and killed on November 29, 2008, after being robbed of his cell phone and Hieroglyphics sweater at a local music event in San Francisco. He was barely 20 years old. www.justiceforbrandon.com

Click HERE to download Flyer. (PDF format)

Please visit www.justiceforbrandon.com for more information.

Don't forget these moms on Mothers Day

Mothers Day comes only once per year. Even if you rarely communicate with your mom, you should go out of your way to make her feel special today. And, after you have, other "forgotten" moms deserve recognition too:

(1) Single dads. Yes, they are both the mother and the father of the children they raise.

(2) Widowers who lost the mother of their children, and children/adults who've lost their mother. Share a happy memory you have of her with the survivors and offer a hug.

(3) Any woman whose child passed away (either as a child or as an adult) especially needs to be acknowledged. Trust me, she hasn't forgotten giving birth nor her parenting memories. A lot of people are afraid that saying something may make her depressed. In reality, not saying anything will cause the greatest saddest and make her feel as if nobody remembers.

Make more than just your mom feel loved today. Happy Mother's Day!

Cracker Jacks

2005 and 2006 were very tough years for me. Among other catastrophes, a few of my loved ones died unexpectedly. While I won't ever "get over" their deaths, eventually I stopped self-medicating and learned healthy coping and acceptance.

As part of my sobriety, I receive a daily "gift" email. Here's today's:

"Each day is different and has a surprise in it, like a Cracker Jack box."
-- Alpha English
It's interesting to ponder the notion of surprise. Not every one of them is all that welcome. Hearing bad news about a friend or having a special trip we'd been counting on canceled can leave us dismayed and worried, right along with surprised. Seeking solace from others while cultivating a willingness to accept that all things happen for a reason gives us the armor we need to make the best of every situation and disappointment. It's an interesting image to think of each day as a box of Cracker Jacks. The moments of our lives have been very tasty. Some were sweet, some were a bit salty, and there were always wholly unexpected moments, the surprises that we were ready for even though we may not have imagined as much. We can look forward to the same daily agenda throughout the remaining years. Does it help to know that there is a divine plan unfolding in our lives? Many of us find comfort in that. All of us can cultivate that belief. I am ready for my surprise today! It is meant for me at this time.

Being the anniversary of my sister's death, today's message hit home. Some surprises are good, some bad, some wonderful, others horrific. Often you can't change what happened. Living a good life, being kind to people, having a quality support system, and remaining positive, are the secrets to enjoying the prize at the bottom of your Cracker Jacks box.

Happy Easter/Celebrity Zombie Day

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Lent's over, how did I do?
Cursing: While I wasn't able to quit, I made a dramatic reduction. Honestly, I had no idea my mouth was so foul. *sigh* Quitting cold turkey is asking too much. This was still a good exercise, though, and I am going to continue monitoring my cursing so hopefully by next year bad words won't just "slip out" unintended.

Masturbation: It was tough at first, especially since I was reading erotica and participating in adult chats. When I quit doing those things, it became much easier. I will admit to having a similar lapse in judgement a few more times; however, I successfully made it through by choosing not to masturbate.

Now excuse me while I play catch up... ;)

The Men I've Loved

This year I am in a relationship...so, rather than writing an annual revamp of the "My Ideal Partner" list, I am sharing the diversity of men who previously captured my heart.




The Pool Boy - We had chemistry from the very first time we saw each other. I called you "Michelangelo's David" because you are physically perfect--just like the statue. Seriously, you are one of the most attractive men I've ever seen (and I've met Pierce Brosnan)! You called me "Ruby Tuesday." My wild side scared you and your irresponsibility scared me. We no longer talk.

The Millionaire - Our romance was straight out of a stripper fairytale. Flights, limos, day spas, 5-star hotels, lots of sex, intense partying. Sadly you died young; I've never gotten over that.

The Best Friend - Dating my best friend was ideal. Nobody else ever made me so happy. You loved me, cared for me, helped me grow, and encouraged me to follow my dreams. I did the same for you. You knew me better than anyone. We were healthy. A series of unfortunate events lead to our break-up.

The Stalker - You started by being my friend. When things weren't progressing fast enough, you tricked me into believing I was being harassed by an ex-boyfriend. I am ashamed to admit that I fell for it and ran straight to your arms for safety and comfort. Funny thing is, had you not done that, I would've been dating you within a few months anyway because I truly liked you. You were brilliant, funny, and awesome in bed. Once I discovered that it was actually you (and not the ex) who was terrorizing me, we were through.

The Biker - Ahhh, the man responsible for setting my libido for life! Most people find you too scary and wild, but that's not who you were with me. I ground you. You are still the same man--but I grew out of the "bad boy" phase. We've remained friends.

The Vampire - This is a weird one: I had a dream about you when I was twelve! Since I believe everything happens for a reason, when I saw you in real life I pursued you. It was important for me to understand why you were in my dream so many years earlier. You got lucky. If it wasn't for that dream, you would've been a couple night stand at best.

The Porno King - You've always treated me like a princess, even to this day. I have so much respect for you. In a different time we could've been an unstoppable couple. However, we had the time we had. It's amazing how similar we were. Thank you for our continued friendship and sharing yourself with me.


Like a typical Sagittarius, my life has been a collection of experiences. Love and lovers are no exception...and I've learned from them all.

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Another blogger I follow recently publicly shared a story about how her grandparents started dating. Here is an small excerpt:

He said she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, but everyone told him not to waste his time. In turn, she didn't give him the time of day ... until one day.

My granddaddy was driving the mule truck when she crossed the street in front of him. Instead of stopping for her, he hit the gas and stopped mere inches from hitting her.

That's when she spoke to him for the first time, although what she said wasn't very ladylike. But he just grinned.

When she asked what he thought was so damn funny, he just smiled some more and said, "I got you to talk to me."

Behaviors, like the grandfather's above, need to be acknowledged for what they are: unhealthy. Unfortunately, some people don't see the harm and sometimes even find it cute. That boggles my mind.

I posted a simple comment saying it is sad that some people get attracted by being treated poorly--and how that is psychotic. The blog owner was offended and deleted my comment.

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The phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last" exists because with tons of women it is true. They ignore the nice man who treats them with respect, instead falling for a jerk or "asshole" guy who doesn't treat them well (usually from the get-go). This happens so often that I've witnessed men who started off as nice guys become assholes because they were tired of losing out...and, sadly, they get more women. In the case above, the grandfather couldn't get the woman's attention until he put her safety at risk.

Assholes bait women with excitement, shock, fear, and/or drama. A common technique is to dish out back-handed compliments as part of the courting ritual. More women appear turned-on by these behaviors than turned-off. When it takes negative behaviors to snare a mate, additional negative behaviors are likely to escalate over time.

The more dysfunction you live with, the more normal it seems. Unconsciously people seek it out, getting into one unhealthy relationship after another. This also explains why women stay with bad men; toxicity is addictive and often interpreted as a "spark" or "chemistry". It is difficult to understand any other kind of life.

Several years ago I underwent training and certification for domestic violence and sexual assault counseling. Abuse comes in many forms. Physical abuse is the easiest to spot, but mental, emotional, sexual, and financial can be just as harmful. When someone is mean and/or violent towards you and you remain part of that person's life, you reward and reinforce their negative behavior. And...your self-esteem suffers.

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During my life, I've had healthy relationships and unhealthy ones. In hindsight, the unhealthy ones could've been spotted from the very beginning--and should've been. People need to respect each other, themselves included. After lots of therapy and self-reflection, I recognized that I was drawn to the excitement of drama and was able to break that cycle. Now, I would never consider dating an "asshole". Nice guys only. :)

Nice guys usually remain nice guys for many years before converting into assholes. Which is better? Depends on who you want to date and what her values are. Women who are attracted to the "Bad boy" or asshole type, usually take years of abuse before breaking their cycle. So, if you want to date young women, being an asshole is often more effective. *sigh*     Supply and demand: the older a woman gets, the fewer nice guys are out there. So, for women 30+, being a nice guy totally pays off and women will appreciate you.

Masturbating Lent

My masturbation has spiraled out of control again. While I haven't been having unhealthy sex (over two years SA clean), this is such a slippery slope it must be addressed.
Some days I masturbate all day long, with naps mixed in. On "slow" days when I forgo during the day, I am unable to sleep at night until I get up, search the internet, and then take care of myself with a toy.

Luckily, I have an external excuse which can help me.
It is that time of the year again: Lent!

Start of Lent 2012 (Ash Wednesday) - Wednesday 22 February 2012.
End of Lent 2012 (Holy Saturday) - Saturday 7 April 2012

Last year was the first time I've ever given something up for Lent--and I made it 39 days without masturbating!   :)

I really love kittens, so this year I expect to make it all 40 days. I'm also going to try to quit cursing. Wish me luck!!

To my Valentine...

Happy Valentine's Day!!
Thank you for making today the happiest Valentine's Day that I've had in almost a decade.

Regrets

Don't become old with regrets. These are the most common:

1)  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2)  I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3)  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4)  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5)  I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If you can see yourself at risk for any of them, make changes now while you still can.

None of the above apply to me. :)       Not many people can say that. Seriously, I have very few regrets in life, and they are trivial. Don't misinterpret this to mean I haven't made mistakes; I certainly have. Life is a learning experience. However, I carefully weigh my choices in advance so that I don't regret them--even when the end result is undesirable.

My first real regret was not seeing the band, Snot, when I had the chance (shortly afterward, the singer died). Another regret was not loaning money to someone who was important to me. Nothing could be worse than regretting you weren't a better friend or partner, so I now give myself fully to situations/people I involve myself with.

When confronted with two choices, both tough, I think "Which would I regret NOT doing more, despite the outcome?" That's all I need to know to make my decision!   :)

My method requires deep self-knowledge and the ability to be completely honest with yourself. If that is too difficult for you, here is a another way:

“When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because, in that brief moment with the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.”

Saving America & Preventing World War III

Generally I try to avoid talking about politics with this blog. However, this is too important to stand by and not speak up. Going to war with Iran is not only costly (both in money and lives), but would likely collapse the entire world's economy. ...And that is thinking positively. Realistically, it would be World War 3.



Really think about this.. Who would side with us? Isreal, maybe England, and the Gulf States. Who would side with Iran? China, Russia, Pakistan, and the former Soviet states.

If we have a ground war, we put the 100,000 U.S. troops at risk. They would be trapped in Afghanistan unless we can air lift them out. If it goes nuclear, the world is over. The United States is the only country in history to ever use nuclear weapons. If we did that again, it wouldn't matter that Iran doesn't have nukes--their allies do.



Ron Paul is the only presidential candidate who will not lead us into World War III. The other candidates have very publicly stated in the debates that they think going to war with Iran is a good idea. Obama has already shown that he was not worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize by keeping us in Afghanistan and Iraq for 3 years and initiating proxy wars with Yemen, Somalia, and Libya. In addition, Obama has already invaded Iran's airspace (an act of war). We need to focus on our own country and stop trying to control the rest of the world.

"We have enough time taking care of things back here at home, where we have 50 million people without healthcare, 14 million people who are out of work, millions of people who are losing their homes, and we're going to tell the Iranians how to run their country! Are you kidding me!"

I travel abroad a lot. In much of the world, the United States is not seen in the same good light Americans believe about their country. Instead, there have been lots of parallels drawn between Nazi Germany and the recent United States! How could this be, you may ask? Think about it. Since WW2 ended, the U.S. and Russia were the two superpowers until the Soviet Union collapsed, and then the United States took over as the world bully. We have invaded numerous countries (without ever making a legal declaration of war--as required by the Constitution)--and, since the War Powers Act, we have been in a constant state of war. When we declared "The War on Terror" in 2001, we left the definition so open to be never-ending. This is what the world sees.

The Patriot Act is very similar to Germany's Enabling Act. The Enabling Act didn't grant as much authority to the executive as the PATRIOT Act, but it was enough to allow a dictatorship to form. The National Defense Authorization Act for 2012 (NDAA), which Obama just signed into law, is also very similar to Germany's Reichstag Fire Decree (which nullified many of the key civil liberties of German citizens). We have crossed the line and it keeps getting worse.



No matter what your political beliefs are, this next election is more than just Republican vs Democrat, gun rights, taxes, and the other normal issues. This next election could make the difference between the U.S. staying a world power or collapsing!! We need massive changes to stop spending money overseas, reduce our multi-trillion dollar deficit, and reinstate our civil liberties. We have already lost many rights. Most of the candidates see nothing wrong with this and want to continue it. History repeats itself. We need to learn from the past to save our future.

Now is the time to take action. Obama cannot be trusted--he has already proven that he is willing to lead us into war and was directly responsible for signing the NDAA. Register as a Republican so you can vote in the primaries. To make a difference, you must make a stand now.

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This is the kind of disaster that would be easy to spot in hindsight. And it's easy to spot now with open eyes. Vote for Ron Paul. Stand up for America!

No Pants Subway Ride

The "No Pants Subway Ride" for 2012 is on Sunday, January 8th.
Wish I could participate!

Random Acts of Kindness

Random acts of kindness make the world a better place. It doesn't take much. Make it your New Year's resolution to practice at least one random act of kindness per week. You will be a better person for it. So will those people you encounter. :)

3 Simple Rules in Life

Quitting stripping

If you truly want to quit stripping, follow these instructions:

Figure out how much money you need to survive without any luxuries. This means rent/utilities/groceries/car only. No eating out, no drugs or alcohol, no shopping for items other than the most basic essentials. This bare-bones amount will be much less than you expected. Save up enough for 6 months.

To prevent spending your savings, pre-pay your rent/mortgage and car payments, purchase money orders for future utility payments, and buy gift cards for the rest (gas, groceries, etc). Once you have done this, quit stripping completely (no part-time) and find a "normal" job that will cover your most basic expenses. The buffer you have saved up will be "insurance" to keep you from stressing out during the transition period. Try not to rely on any of the buffer money, but if you need to that is why it's there. Within a few months you should be adjusted to the difference in money and living a happy non-stripper life!

Seeing how easily money comes to others makes it more difficult to live poor. Maintaining your stripper friendships could tempt you back into the life...same with having drug/alcohol/shopping addictions. If you are serious about quitting, be prepared to give all of these things up.


Mental health is worth more than anything you can buy. If you're doing something that you feel is betraying yourself--no matter what it is--get out!


Why I quit stripping
Since I love being part of the sex industry, my reasons were very different: (1) the excitement was fading, & (2) I began dating.

Back in 2004, I quit a six-figure job to become a stripper. To say I was "dancing" wouldn't be accurate because, even though I incorporated dance moves, men only paid because my clothes came off too. It was a fantasy come true for me and I really enjoyed myself. When it became more work than fun, I stopped and went back to the mainstream world.

Stripping was never "just a job" for me; I got off on it. Therefore, ethically it felt inappropriate for me to continue while involved with someone. Both stripping and relationships are too personal for me to compartmentalize.

I know I am different than most women. My motivations, opportunities, my rationale... However, it's still difficult for me to understand how a woman could subject herself to this field if she doesn't enjoy it. Yes, the earning potential can be high--but for those who don't find it pleasurable, the skin industry messes them up. I've seen too many good people destroy themselves for money.

Lots of people find my blog from "how to quit stripping" internet searches. Assuming these are strippers who hate their jobs, feel trapped, and desperately want to find a way out, than this blog offers the solution. All it requires is the desire to change your life and the tenacity to follow through.

Goal setting for the new year

Hugnation is always very "feel good" and incredibly positive.
Today I sat in on a session about goal setting.     :)

1) Avoid goals that cause you stress.
2) Go towards things you want--not away from those you don't.
3) Make things present tense.
4) Make sure it's something you believe can happen.
5) Include things you are already doing.
6) Make sure it feels good.
7) Align your goals with your higher self.
8) Let go of your attachments.

HugNation broadcasts LIVE every Tues @ 1pm PST!

Take a few moments with Halcyon to recalibrate and remember that the world would far rather hug you than hurt you.

Merry Christmas!