Spent a few days with friends at the beach

We went offshore fishing!

"And the fish we caught was thiiiiiiisssss big"
(arms out as far as I can reach)

Manual Antonio

I'm going to melt if I can't outrun this wave!

Dinner at El Avion. The restaurant is build around the real plane in the center. Pretty cool!

Totally ok to park in the opposing traffic lane if you are a hot girl!


Life couldn't be better. I am very happy. :)

Today's Meditation - Regain a Sense of Serenity

By Jane Powell - www.MeditationsForWomen.com

“Your life is much more than meets the eye.”

When you feel stressed out, burned out and maxed out, it’s natural to conclude that life is hard. Wait a minute! Take a step back and reflect. Think of all the things that you are thankful for. You have your health, your family and all those little things you normally take for granted.

When its seems that you're rough-riding the coattails of life, watch a sunset, listen to good music or delve into an engrossing book. Allow yourself time to reflect on the gifts you have been given, both big and small.

Sometimes we need to step back, to look clearly at who we are and what we have. Life is always made up of more than meets the eye. Once we see this, we can put things back in perspective and regain a sense of serenity.

Part of my celibacy has been no porn.

And I've been doing a good job until yesterday when I clicked on a link I shouldn't have. Since then I have been watching alot (really hot, btw).



Now, I have always been quite proud of my blowjobs; I know what I'm doing and can get almost anyone off with my mouth alone--no hands. However, from watching porn for the past 24hrs I was reminded that many women only put the head of the guy's cock in their mouths while jerking him off. This is NOT what I do at all, but the pornos make it seems like this is the norm. Wouldn't it feel better to the man to have more of his cock inside a mouth? Have I been doing it all wrong?

What do you think about the notion of free will?

An interesting experiment conducted by the BBC's "Bang Goes The Theory Team" regarding a psychological phenomenon called "Priming". It is a phenomenon that may well change your understanding about the way we are all affected by what we see, and so, how we perceive our environment... And all without even knowing. Pretty freaky, eh? You've been warned!

January/February 2010 Horoscope Forecast

Almanac
Themes for 2010 include much letting go of what is obsolete so we can institute important structural changes personally and socially. Taking full responsibility is key to getting results. Mars stationed retrograde December 20, so this coming year, actions are critical. Mars is considered malefic because it is one of the hardest energies to master, this is a great year to practice right action. As we start the year, Mercury and Mars retrograde, Mercury is most often retrograde, while Mars is least often retrograde. We are also between two Eclipses, a Lunar Eclipse on the last day of 2009, and a total Solar Eclipse on January 14, a triple conjunction of the Sun, Moon, and Venus at 25 Capricorn. Venus is close to all the Eclipses, so there are important people coming into and leaving our lives now, or important steps to take in our existing relationships. Saturn stations to go retrograde before the 14 January Eclipse, Mercury stations to go direct shortly after, so we have two stationary planets at this Eclipse, a very powerful turning point. In Capricorn this highlights our public stature, home and family, long term planning and ambitions. The Leo Full Moon on January 29 is time to take action in partnerships, make sure this energy that may appear to come from other people is used consciously or it could become frustration and strife.

Also on January 31 we have the second of three exact Saturn square Pluto aspects. This is a triple Saturn influence, indicating a crisis in consciousness, make your decision and totally embrace the consequences.

February features Jupiter sextile Pluto, indicating powerful opportunities that bring diverse input from those around you, so learning is highlighted. The New Moon February 13 conjuncts Chiron and Neptune and has two finger of God configurations pointing to Mars and Venus, taking action and relaxing compassionately is highlighted. The Full Moon February 28 features Jupiter exactly conjunct the Sun and opposite the Moon, a very high level of excitement and axpansion, especially for Pisces and Virgo types.


Sagittarius
This period gives you another window of opportunity to grow and gain more objectivity. Review if you are falling into a pattern of more of the same is better or if you are taking the abundance to have in your life and translating it into real growth into new areas.

And my favorite friends:

Aries
Mars retrograde in your solar house of creative self-expression may have you rethinking how you want to express yourself. This is the time to examine your goals and direction. Any set backs these couple months are setting the stage for better self-expression in the future.

Leo
Your self-image is the focus for this current three month Mars retrograde period we are in. What actions do you need to take to further your sense of self? What risks do you need to take to open up new areas of yourself for exploration? Relationships can stimulate you to explore these new areas if you draw a blank.

Libra
Social creativity is highlighted these next two months. Friends are key, so reviewing who you associate with, what your mutual plans are, and how you fit in allows for more excitement in your life and greater self expression. If you are in a rut, just going through the motions, this is the time to break free.

Capricorn = Nicky
The focus this next two months with Mars in retrograde in your solar house of death and rebirth is to strip away the layers of hiding and protection so your true light can shine. Capricorn is about creating/building in the scrutiny of the public eye, privacy is for figuring out what you want to bring the world.

Once in a "blue moon"

Today is New Year's Eve 2009. There is also a blue moon in the sky. What have you referred to doing "once in a blue moon"? Are you doing that tonight? Why is it such a rarity? Think about your answer.


Tonight I will be at Big Al's again. Nobody knows yet, but I will be showing up with gifts for the staff. All adult related: dildos, penis pumps, lingerie, etc... Lol.. Hey--it's an adult business and this seems completely appropriate. *silly grin*

Bringing smiles to other people's faces is one of the great joys in life. :)


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

No longer sick

No longer sick and going back to work as of tonight. Come see me! :)

(I need a better cell phone camera)

Sick

Unfortunately, after a few days of working I was exposed to the wrong person and am now sick. *sigh* For the past 20 hours I have been laying in bed with what I suspect is the flu: feeling disoriented, stuffy/runny nose, swollen eyes, sore throat, and body aches. To anyone looking for me, it will probably be Tuesday or Wednesday before I am healthy enough to go back to work again.

On the bright side, this gives me plenty of time to lay in bed and catch up on much-needed rest, reading, and blogging... :)

It is a "White Christmas" afterall!! :)

Growing up on the west coast, I've never experienced snow on Christmas before. It is beautiful! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Spending the holidays in Illinois

While in Peoria I can be found working at Big Al's. Come in and see me! It is a full-nude full-alcohol club open until 4am everyday. VIP starts at $400.
Picture of me taken tonight with camera phone

Weather.com had forecasted snow today but so far it's not looking likely. If it does, this year will be my first White Christmas. :)

Artlicle on narcissists

This article has been floating around for awhile. I have had several people request that I post this on my blog. So, here it is! :) If you click on the website link in the question below, there are many more articles. Very eye-opening, to say the least...


Do Narcissists Really Hate Women?
Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist, and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths
By: Dr. Sam Vaknin


Question:

I read somewhere in your web site that narcissists hate women. Nothing can be further from the truth, from my experience. All the narcissists in my life ADORED women, they were addicted to women, they worshipped women. My ex-husband couldn't live without women - many women.

Answer:

Narcissists abhor and dread getting emotionally intimate. The cerebral ones regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their Source of Secondary Narcissistic Supply (spouse or girlfriend). The somatic narcissist treats women as objects and sex as a means of obtaining narcissistic supply.

Moreover, many narcissists tend to FRUSTRATE women. They refrain from having sex with them, tease them and then leave them, resist the flirtatious and seductive behaviors of females and so on. Often, they invoke the existence of a girlfriend/fiancée/spouse (or boyfriend/etc. – male and female are interchangeable in my texts) as the "reason" why they cannot have sex or develop a relationship. But this is not out of loyalty and fidelity in the empathic and loving sense. This is because they wish (and often succeed) to sadistically frustrate the interested party.

But this pertains only to cerebral narcissists - not to somatic narcissists and people who suffer from HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder). These use their bodies, sexuality, and seduction/flirtation to extract narcissistic supply from others.

Some narcissists are raised by weak or inaccessible mothers and harsh, rigid, or sadistic fathers. They tend to bond with males in male settings (army, sports, police, bodybuilding, the Catholic Church) and to seek empathy, warmth, support, secure friendship, and love among their male peers. This macho bonding masks repressed and latent homosexual tendencies, the result of incestuous or simply pathologically excessive love towards the father (or father figure).

Terrified of these homosexual tendencies, these narcissists are besieged by feelings of guilt (towards their mothers with whom they compete for the father's affection) and inadequacy (they can never quite measure up to the father's standards). They become extreme and virulent misogynists. By hating women and defying them - they hate and defy life itself (women being the givers of life). They thus deny their effeminate self and exercise their self-destructive impulses.

Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women as mere sources of SNS (secondary narcissistic supply). The woman's chores are to accumulate past Narcissistic Supply and release it in an orderly manner, so as to regulate the fluctuating flow of primary supply. In other words, the woman's chore is to bear witness to the narcissist's moments of glory and recount them to him when he is down.

Otherwise, cerebral narcissists are not interested in women. Most of them are asexual (engage in sexual acts very rarely, if at all). They hold women in contempt and abhor the thought of being really intimate with them. Usually, they choose submissive women, well below their level, to perform the aforementioned functions.

This leads to a vicious cycle of neediness, self-contempt (“how come I am dependent on this inferior woman”) and aggression directed at the woman. Hence the abuse. When primary Narcissistic Supply is available – when the narcissist is the center of attention - the woman in his life is hardly tolerated. The narcissist interacts with her minimally, as one reluctantly pays the premium on an insurance policy.

The narcissist does regard the "subjugation" of an attractive woman to be a source of narcissistic supply.

It is a status symbol, a proof of virility, and it allows him to engage in "vicarious" narcissistic behaviors (allows him to be his narcissistic self through others, to transform others into tools at the service of his narcissism, into his extensions). This is done by employing defence mechanisms such as projective identification.

To re-iterate, Primary Narcissistic Supply (NS) is any kind of NS provided by people who are not "meaningful" or "significant" others. Adulation, attention, affirmation, fame, notoriety, sexual conquests – are all forms of Primary NS.

Secondary NS emanates from people who are in constant and repetitive touch with the narcissist. It includes the important roles of narcissistic accumulation and narcissistic regulation, among others.

The narcissist believes that being in love IS actually going through the motions and pretending. To him, emotions are mimicry and pretence.

He says: "I am a conscious misogynist. I fear and loathe women and tend to ignore them to the best of my ability. To me they are a mixture of hunter and parasite."

Most male Narcissists are misogynists. After all, they are the warped creations of women. Women gave birth to them and molded them into what they are: dysfunctional, maladaptive, emotionally dead. They are angry at their mothers and, by extension, mad at all women.

The narcissist's attitude to women is, naturally, complex and multi-layered but it revolves around four axes:

1. The Holy Whore
2. The Hunter Parasite
3. The Frustrating Object of Desire
4. Uniqueness Roles


The narcissist divides all women to saints and whores. He finds it difficult to have sex ("dirty", "forbidden", "punishable", "degrading") with feminine significant others (spouse, intimate girlfriend). To him, sex and intimacy are mutually exclusive rather than mutually expressive propositions. Sex is reserved to "whores" (all other women in the world).

This distinction resolves his constant cognitive dissonance ("I want her but...", "I don't need her but..."). It also legitimizes his sadistic urges (abstaining from sex is a major and recurrent narcissistic "penalty" inflicted on female "transgressors"). It tallies well with the frequent idealization-devaluation cycles the narcissist subjects his women to. The idealized females are sexless, the devalued ones – "deserving" of their degradation (sex) and the contempt that, inevitably, follows thereafter.

The narcissist believes firmly that women are out to "hunt" men and that this is almost a genetic predisposition. As a result, he feels threatened (as any prey would). This, of course, is an intellectualization of the real, absolutely opposite, state of things: the narcissist feels threatened by women and tries to justify this irrational fear by imbuing women with "objective" qualities which make them, to his mind, ominous.

This is a small detail in a larger canvass of "pathologizing" others in order to control them. According to the narcissist’s scenario, once her prey is secured, the woman assumes the role of a "body snatcher". She absconds with the narcissist's sperm, she generates an endless stream of demanding and nose dripping children, she financially bleeds the men in her life to cater to her needs and to the needs of her dependants. Put differently, she is a parasite, a leech, whose sole function is to suck dry every man she finds and Tarantula-like decapitate them once no longer useful. This, of course, is exactly what the narcissist does to people. Thus, his view of women is a projection.

Heterosexual narcissists desire women as any other red-blooded male does (even more so due to the special symbolic nature of the woman in the narcissist's life – humbling a woman in acts of faintly sadomasochistic sex is a way of getting back at mother). But he is frustrated by his inability to meaningfully interact with them, by their apparent emotional depth and powers of psychological penetration (real or attributed) and by their sexuality.

Their incessant demands for intimacy are perceived by the narcissist as a threat. He recoils instead of getting closer. The cerebral narcissist also despises sex and is bored by it, as we said before. Thus, caught in a seemingly intractable repetition complex, in approach-avoidance cycles, the narcissist becomes furious at the source of his frustration. Some of them set out to do some frustrating of their own. They tease (passively or actively), or they pretend to be asexual and, in any case, they turn down, rather cruelly, any attempt by a woman to court them and to get closer.

Sadistically, narcissists tremendously enjoy their ability to frustrate the desires, passions and sexual wishes of women. It endows them with a feeling of omnipotence. Narcissists regularly frustrate all women sexually – and frustrate the significant women in their lives both sexually and emotionally. Somatic narcissists simply use women as objects and then discard them. The emotional background is identical. While the cerebral narcissist punishes through abstention – the somatic narcissist penalizes through excess.

The narcissist's mother kept behaving as though the narcissist was and is not special (to her). The narcissist's whole life is a pathetic and pitiful effort to prove her wrong. The narcissist constantly seeks confirmation from others that he IS special – in other words that he IS.

Having sex with women threatens the success of this quest because it is "bestial" and "common". There is nothing "special or unique" about sex. Women keep dragging the narcissist to their level, the level of the lowest common denominator of intimacy, sex and human emotions.

Anybody can love, copulate and breed, says the narcissist to himself. These emotions and activities d not set me apart and above others. And yet women seem to be interested ONLY in these pursuits. Thus, the narcissist is led to believe that women are the continuation, by other means and in different guises, of his mother - this early robber of his uniqueness.

The narcissist hates women virulently, passionately and uncompromisingly. His hate is primal, irrational, the progeny of mortal fear and sustained abuse. Granted, most narcissists learn how to suppress, disguise, even repress these untoward feelings. But their hatred does get out of control and erupt from time to time. It is a terrifying, paralyzing sight - the true face of the narcissist.

To live with a narcissist is an arduous and eroding task. Narcissists are atrabilious, infinitely pessimistic, bad-tempered, paranoid and sadistic in an absent-minded and indifferent manner. Their daily routine is a rigmarole of threats, complaints, hurts, eruptions, moodiness and rage. The narcissist rails against slights true and imagined. He alienates people. He humiliates them because this is his only weapon against the humiliation wrought by their indifference.

Gradually, wherever he is, the narcissist’s social circle dwindles and then vanishes. Every narcissist is also a schizoid, to some extent. A schizoid is not a misanthrope. He does not necessarily hate people - he simply does not need them. He regards social interactions as a nuisance to be minimized.

The narcissist is torn between his need to obtain narcissistic supply (from human beings) - and his fervent wish to be left alone. This wish is peppered with contempt and feelings of superiority.

There are fundamental conflicts between counter-dependence and contempt, neediness and devaluation, seeking and avoiding, turning on the charm to attract adulation and being consumed by wrathful reactions to even the most minuscule "provocations". These conflicts lead to rapid cycling between gregariousness and self-imposed ascetic seclusion.

Such an unpredictable but always bilious and festering atmosphere is hardly conducive to love or sex. Gradually, both become extinct. Relationships are hollowed out. Imperceptibly, the narcissist switches to a non-sexual co-habitation.

But the vitriolic environment that the narcissist creates is only one hand of the equation. The other hand is his unfortunate female partner.

As we said, heterosexual narcissists are attracted to women, but simultaneously repelled, horrified, bewitched and provoked by them. They seek to frustrate and humiliate them. Psychodynamically, the Narcissist probably visits upon them his mother's sins - but such an instant explanation does the subject great injustice.

Most narcissists are misogynists. Their sexual and emotional lives are perturbed and chaotic. They are unable to love in any true sense of the word - nor are they capable of developing any measure of intimacy. Lacking empathy, they are unable to offer to the partner emotional sustenance.

Do narcissists miss loving, would they have liked to love and are they angry with their parents for crippling them so?

To the narcissist, these questions are incomprehensible. There is no way he can answer them. Narcissists never love. They do not know what is it that they are supposedly missing. Observing it from the outside, love seems to them to be a risible pathology. They equate love with weakness. They hate being weak and they hate and despise weak people (such as the very old, the sick, the poor, and the very young). They do not tolerate what they consider to be stupidity, disease and dependence - and love seems to be comprised of all three. These are not sour grapes. They really feel this way.

Narcissists are angry men - but not because they never experienced love and probably never will. They are angry because they are not as powerful, awe inspiring and successful as they wish they were and, to their mind, deserve to be. Because their daydreams refuse so stubbornly to come true. Because they are their worst enemy. And because, in their unmitigated paranoia, they see adversaries plotting everywhere and feel discriminated against and contemptuously ignored.

Many of them (the “borderline” narcissists) cannot conceive of a life in one place with one set of people, doing the same thing, in the same field with one goal within a decades-old game plan. To them, this is the equivalent of dying. They are most terrified of boredom and whenever faced with its daunting prospect, they inject drama, or even danger, into their lives. This is the only way they feel alive.

The narcissist is a lonely wolf. He is a shaky platform, indeed, on which to found a family.

Source: http://samvak.tripod.com/6.html

Rainbow

I have been wearing a hematite ring on my right ring finger for the past few months. It has survived everything, absorbing much bad energy. Yesterday I saw my energy worker. She said that ring has done its duty and it is time for me to respect it by burying it and gave me the proper herbs. She gave me a new ring-- a rainbow ring--which I am wearing on my left middle finger.

The fingers which we choose to wear rings are very significant and hold meaning.

Rings and the fingers they are worn on

Rings consist of jewelry items worn around the finger of a person for various purposes. The materials used to obtain these jewelry pieces are also various, ranging from wood, bone or plastic to glass, gemstones, precious metals or who knows what else. The materials used for fabrication may also be combined, a common combination being precious metals with a gemstone.

Rings consist of circles. In every culture around the world the circle symbolizes unity, eternity, power or any other significance that can be drawn from its perfect shape. Each culture has its own variations of this perfect circle worn around a finger.

Magic and myth is also associated with these jewelry items. They were believed to be related to the sun, moon and gods, thus giving this small item the power to protect the one who wears it. Those ancient beliefs are the ones that still influence the way we wear the rings today.


Since you have two hands, it is also very important on which hand you wear a ring. Each hand is believed to be a level of one's mind. For instance the left hand is a representation of one's subconscious, which consists of beliefs, attitude and instinct. The right hand, a reflection of the conscious state of mind, also depicts the logic and awareness of the things around us.

The significance of each hand is also very important when it comes to wearing a ring. If one should choose to wear a ring on the left hand, they wish to enhance the powers of the finger on which the ring is worn. If the choice would be the right hand, then the wearer desires to control life and the actions within it.


This brings us to the fingers and their significance when a ring is worn. First of all the one with the greatest importance, the thumb an independent finger that works together with all the others in order to grant us our freedom. This is a symbol of will power, freedom and independence of action and thoughts, something that defines us as humans.

The index finger, the one next to the thumb is also very important. This is a great example of power and authority, something that can be seen throughout history. Wearing a ring on this finger is something associated with ambition and leadership.

At the center of one's hand is the middle finger. This is mainly associated with the role we play in our entire life. It symbolizes our identity and the things central in our world. Whoever wears rings on this finger is usually very balanced, but seeks to be in the center of attention.

The fourth finger, the one commonly known as the ring finger, has a very special significance because this is the one with the direct connection to one's heart. Rings worn on this finger are a great symbol of creativity and knowing your artistic side that rests within you.

The little finger, the smallest of them all, is the link a person has with the outside world. This is the one that symbolizes our relationships with the people around us. When one wears rings on this finger they show great confidence and independence on all relationships.

Source: http://afgen.com/ring_fingers.html

Today is my birthday and it is foggy outside!

What a wonderful start for today! Fog is my favorite weather!! :)

I was hoping to be in Illinois for my birthday but I am still in Atlanta. Everything happens for a reason and as it should. I came to Atlanta to sort through all my stuff. Tonight marks the 11th day in this motel room and I have accomplished a lot. Just like I did with Vegas, I am not leaving until I am done. There is no better birthday present to give myself than putting my life in order.

The last 6 months of 2009 predicted for Sagittarius

July/August 2009 Forecast
Almanac
We have two Full Moon eclipses, as well as a Solar or New Moon Eclipse during July and August. The Lunar Eclipse on July 7 and August 5 are partial, thus less intense, while the Solar Eclipse is total and the most powerful of the three. The Solar Eclipse falls on July 21 and perfects a few hours after Venus squares Saturn. This should bring to a head any matters of the heart that we may be wrestling with now. Saturn tests the reality of what is actually valuable to us, and based on this we take a course of action or thinking that produces certain results in seven years.

Specifically Mercury and Venus are in aspect to Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune and Chiron. You have heard that expression "everything lined up correctly". Well this is a lot lining up, so whatever you are expecting is amplified, especially if you have planets at a 24-27 degrees of any sign. So you may as well expect something good if you are going to get a lot of it.

July 7, 9, 11 are potent opportunity days. The last week of July is also powerful for attracting what you want and for communications in general.

On August 10 pay close attention to messages to slow down. The speed picks up rapidly by August 13 and 14, when opportunities are everywhere. The Leo New Moon on August 20 features multiple oppositions and inconjunctions. Oppositions challenge us to include ourselves and others equally in our considerations, while inconjuncts require internal adjustments, inflexibility may result in discomfort or dis-ease. Good reason to take up yoga or any kind of moving and stretching!

Sagittarius
You are being stripped down of your ego, or at least of the parts that need to be released. This process will start easing up in August, or maybe you are denying the whole thing, something both Jupiter and Neptune are both well known for. Right now these planets are conjunct so assume you are in the thick of it.

---

September/October 2009 Forecast
Almanac
September is an action packed month, with the third in a series of five Saturn/Uranus aspects, Mercury retrograde for most of the month, and Pluto direct. The Pisces Full Moon on September on September 4 should be potent for processing new directions and getting over fears. Mercury stations retrograde on September 6 in Libra and goes direct again on September 29, having moved back into Virgo where discrimination is so important. Pluto goes direct on the 11th, same day as Venus opposes Jupiter, highlighting the difference between a good thing and too much of a good thing.

Saturn exactly opposes Uranus on September 15, the forces for stability/fear and change/chaos are most polarized, but we are getting better or more conscious of this. Lots of tight aspects, this is a call for responsibility as a change is taking place. The Sun enters Libra on the 22nd, the Autumn Equinox and the growth of Darkness.

The biggest shift in October is at the end of the month when Saturn enters Libra for the first time in 29 years. Saturn changes every sign every two and a half years, and shows where are biggest tests are, the restructuring work that needs to be done. We have completed the Virgo test, restructuring the area of your life where Virgo falls. If you have personal planets in Virgo you may feel you have been well tested these last few years, or maybe being more focused and productive. Now Libra, the area of partnering, is being tested.

The Aries or Harvest Full Moon falls on October 3. Stay grounded and flexible. Venus conjunct Saturn on the 13th starts a new cycle of testing relationships and value of what you have magnetized to yourself. Jupiter offers a powerful sense of expansion all month. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 22, time to commit and deepen partnerships.

Sagittarius
Choose September 11 to deal with anything Venus related in your life; relationships, girlfriends, money, art. October is much more of an active month for you. You shine on October 10, you are brilliant and communicative on the 20th and you are the main attraction on the 28th. Mercury retrograde during September through your houses of friends and career may produce a change or two.

---

November/December 2009 Forecast
Almanac
The Taurus Full Moon on November 2 is a time of decisions and intense activity, despite Taurus' normal reputation for relative calm. Neptune stations and assumes direct motion on the 4th, holding 23 degrees Aquarius for ten weeks, thus activating any planet around 23 degrees of any sign, but especially Aquarius. Starting December 2, we have three weeks without any retrograde planets, the only time this entire year that all major planets are direct and full steam ahead. Watch things that have been building up momentum fall into place now. The Scorpio New Moon on the 16th occurs along with the 1st of 3 exact Saturn square Pluto aspects. This emphasizes the Scorpionic releasing and rebirthing theme for this next month. This is a third quarter square aspect; a crisis in consciousness or a reorienting of our thinking patterns. At the very beginning of the cardinal signs of Capricorn and Libra suggests many changes taking place, a new chapter beginning globally.

In December we have 2 Full Moons as well as a New Moon, the second Full Moon is also a Lunar Eclipse on the 31st. The Gemini Full Moon December 1 coincides with Uranus assuming direct motion, this time 22 Pisces is the degree activated by Uranus during November and December. Any of your birth planets at 22 degrees of any sign will be activated by unpredictable Uranus for two months, a potent situation. The Sagittarius New Moon on December 16 aspects the Neptune, Jupiter, Chiron triple conjunction, very inspiring, things fall into place, especially with Mars trine Venus the day after. On the day before the winter solstice and the entry of the Sun into Capricorn on December 21, Mars stations to go retrograde the least often, holding 19 degrees Leo for two weeks. Mars go retrograde the least often; in Leo, we are recreating our sense of purpose. Mercury goes retrograde December 26 in Capricorn, rethink your responsibilities. The Cancer Full Moon and Partial Lunar Eclipse New Years Eve puts the emphasis on trying out new ways of doing things.


Sagitarrius
Mercury in Sagittarius mid-November signals it is time to bring your vision down to workable pieces of data that is understandable for everyone. Frustration on November 8th leads to success by November 29th. In December the 14th, 20th, 21st are key days. There are paradigm shifts for you by mid-January; also your resources are being reshuffled through March 2010.

On the road again

Flew back from Costa Rica for the holidays. Thanksgiving was wonderful! I spent time with a friend and his parents. :)

Worked at Big Al's in Peoria over the weekend. Today I start back on the road. There is a possibility that I may work at Mustang Sally's in Pennsylvania again on Tuesday night. Then I'm headed to Washington DC. After spending a night or two in DC, I'm going to Atlanta for the weekend. My favorite cat is going along with me on this roadtrip!




My life is unfolding beautifully. On a side semi-related note, today marks 3 months since I quit smoking weed. It's been longer than that since I've drank. I am happier than I have been in a long time. :-D

Holidays are a time for....

Today is a day to be grateful. Grateful for what we have, grateful for what we do not have. The more we obsess over the little things, the more little things there will be to obsess over. So don't do that to yourself. The more grateful we are, the more positive we attract into our lives. The easiest way to improve our lives is to be grateful for the life we already have. Life really is that easy! Happy Thanksgiving!

---

Just because it is holiday time does not mean that everyone has good intent. Without obsessing over the bad possibilities, you should be knowledgeable regarding the common scams so you can take the appropriate precautions.

The 12 web SCAMS of Xmas

Bad greetings card ... fake e-card scam that could steal your personal details

CHRISTMAS may be the time for goodwill and peace to all men and women - but not if you're a cybercriminal.

They prefer receiving to giving and the only presents they're interested in are your personal details and bank account passwords.

The festive season is a boom time for hackers, and over the past two end-of-year holiday periods, cybercriminals have made nearly £5 BILLION according to security experts McAfee.

Senior vice president Jeff Green said: "They use their best schemes during the holidays to steal people's money, credit card information and identity. These thieves follow seasonal trends and create holiday-related websites, scams and other convincing e-mails that can trick even the most cautious users."

The risk of falling prey is small, especially if you follow the few simple tips at the end of this page.

But just remember, when bargain offers seem too good to be true, it's probably because they are. And because an email looks as innocent as little children singing Christmas carols, it doesn't mean it is.

So to help keep you safe ahead of December 25, here's the top 12 scams of Christmas as found by McAfee.

1) Charity Phishing Scams - hackers take advantage of people's generosity by sending e-mails that appear to be from legitimate charitable organisations. In reality, they are linked to fake websites designed to steal donations, credit card information and the identities of donors.

2) Fake Invoices from Delivery Services to steal your money - if you didn't buy it, then you won't receive an alert about it. So be very wary of emails that seem to be receipts or delivery notifications for stuff you've supposed to have bought. Many ask you to quote credit card details or open the forms. Either can allow a virus or Trojan Horse into your computer to steal your personal information.

3) Social Networking - when you suddenly receive an invite from a stranger to be your friend, then you know there's something dodgy going on. They're not just hoping for a kiss under the mistletoe. Cybercriminals send authentic-looking "New Friend Request" e-mails and clicking on the links can install viruses automatically on your desktop or laptop. If in doubt, leave them out.

4) Christmas E-Cards - Last Christmas, McAfee uncovered a virus masked as Hallmark e-cards, McDonald's promotions and a Coca-Cola Christmas offer. Christmas-themed PowerPoint e-mail attachments with funny virals and quizzes are also popular among cybercriminals. Be careful what you click on.

5) "Luxury" Holiday Jewellery - a new holiday campaign leads shoppers to virus-ridden sites offering "discounted" luxury gifts from Cartier, Gucci, and Tag Heuer. It may look cheap, but it will be one of the most expensive mistakes you ever make.

6) Practice Safe Holiday Shopping - if you shop and surf on open hotspots using WiFi, hackers can spy on your activity and copy personal information. McAfee advises shoppers to steer clear of using public computers or via an open WiFi network.

7) Christmas Carol Lyrics Can Be Dangerous - bogus websites are often set up to cash-in on popular searches. So just because you don't know the words to Silent Night or want a Jingle Bells ringtone, it doesn't mean the website offering either via a search engine will be safe. It can lead to adware, spyware and other potentially unwanted programs being installed.

8) Out of Work - with many UK adults victims of the recession and now unemployed, there's an upward trend of emails promising work over the holidays or money to be earned from home. When you submit your details, and pay a "set-up" fee, you could be setting up a whole lot of trouble.

9) Auction Site Fraud - auction websites can be problematic all year round but at Christmas cybercriminals flock to them to lure unsuspecting buyers. Often goods will never reach their new owner or turn out to be something completely different, or even fake.

10) Password Stealing Scams - thieves use low-cost tools to uncover a person's password and send out malware to record keystrokes as they type. It is called keylogging. Once criminals have access to one or more passwords, they gain vast access to consumers' bank and credit card details and clean out accounts within minutes. They also commonly send out spam from a user's account to their contacts to entice more victims.

11) E-Mail Banking Scams - cybercriminals trick consumers into divulging their bank details by sending official-looking e-mails from financial institutions. They ask users to confirm their account information, including a user name and password, with a warning that their account will become invalid if they do not comply. Then they often sell this information through an underground online black market.

12) Your Files for Ransom - hackers gain control of computers through several of these holiday scams. They then act as virtual kidnappers to hijack computer files and encrypt them, making them unreadable and inaccessible. The scammer holds the user's files ransom by demanding payment in exchange for getting them back.

If you've read all that and now feel more scared than Scrooge being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, you'd be right to be wary.

But here's some tips that should keep you safe and ensure you have a Merry Christmas this year and next.

- Never click on links in e-mails, go directly to a company or charity's website by typing in the address.

- Ensure security software is up-to-date. It is the easiest way to protect your computer from malware, spyware, viruses and other threats such as phishing.

- Shop and bank on secure networks. WiFi networks used should always be password-protected so hackers cannot gain access to them and spy on online activity. Also shop on sites using secure URLs for their transactions that begin with https://, instead of http://.

- Use different passwords. Never use the same passwords for several online accounts. Diversify passwords and use a complex combination of letters, numbers and symbols.

- Try common sense. If you are ever in doubt that an offer or product is not legitimate, do not click on it.

Source: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/fun/gizmo/2747575/12-online-scams-to-watch-out-for-while-online-Christmas-shopping.html

Can't find the STRENGTH to get back up?

Nick Vujicic and his attitude serve as a great examples of the celebration of life over limitations.

The human spirit can handle much more than we realize.

"I LOVE LIVING LIFE. I AM HAPPY."

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Think you've got it bad?
Need some encouragement?
Fallen down?
Can't find the STRENGTH to get back up?

Watch this video. It will help. Then share it with others.

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"If I fail, I try again, and again, and again..."
If YOU fail, are YOU going to try again?

It matters how you're going to FINISH...
Are you going to finish STRONG?

We are put in situations to build our character... not destroy us.

The tensions in our life are there to strengthen our convictions... not to run over us.

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Nick is thankful for what he HAS.
He's not bitter for what he does NOT have.

I have never met a bitter person who was thankful.
I have never met a thankful person who was bitter.

In life you have a choice: Bitter or BETTER?

Sex addiction?

This is a topic I know a lot about. Generally I am good at keeping my sex-addiction in check and only "acting out" with my partner. I am currently abstinent. No more unhealthy sex.

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How much do you know about sex addiction? There is a new show on TV about sex addiction rehab:

About Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew

Addiction is nothing new. Alcohol, drugs, anorexia and bulimia...the list goes on and on. Addiction goes beyond impacting personal lives; it wreaks havoc on health, lands people in jail, and tears careers to shreds. But there's another addiction out there that most people have never even heard of - more insidious, but with the same, devastating consequences. It afflicts roughly 6% of the American population and like drug and food addictions, nobody is immune to it...It's called Sex Addiction.

Now, for the first time, VH1 and the producers behind Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew will shed light on this oft-dismissed compulsion on Sex Addiction With Dr. Drew. Celebrity Rehab 1 and 2 made television history, pulling back the curtain on alcohol and drug detox as stars underwent treatment inside an actual rehab facility. Now, Dr. Drew Pinsky will pull back the bed sheets on Sex Addiction as nine new patients undergo treatment at the Pasadena Recovery Center in California.

Many people scoff when they first hear the term, "Sexual Addiction." How could anything as fun, as beautiful, and as natural as sex be considered an addiction? How could too much sex be unhealthy?

Consider ignoring all other aspects of your life while you pursue new sexual conquests - conquests that never actually satisfy you. Imagine spending nine hours a day trolling internet porn sites, or going bankrupt because of too many visits to strip clubs and prostitutes. For addicts, sex isn't even pleasurable, but rather a way to escape the pain of past loss, childhood trauma, abuse and abandonment. Like many other addictions, their habits can cost them their jobs, their marriages, even their lives.

Aided a team of the nation's foremost experts on sexual addiction, Dr. Drew will guide these patients through one of the most intensive, real-life detox and treatment programs in the world. Living together for 21 days, they'll meet with Dr. Drew in one-on-one and group therapy sessions to get to the bottom of their compulsive behavior, with cameras documenting every moment...every breakdown...and every breakthrough.

Sex Addiction With Dr. Drew isn't a moral condemnation of sex, the adult entertainment industry, or even the most prurient of kinks. Rather, it's an attempt to help nine patients whose sexual habits are spinning dangerously out of control and threatening to ruin their lives. Who will get kicked out for acting out? Who will give up and leave early? And who will find the inner strength to give in to the treatment process, take a long hard look at themselves, and pave the way for a brighter future? Ultimately, what they get out of their time in recovery is up to them, but all nine of them will, without a doubt, experience an emotional journey they never expected.

Source: http://www.vh1.com/shows/sex_rehab_with_dr_drew/series.jhtml

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Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew - Peep The Full Cast


The latest Celebrity Rehab spin-off, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, will tackle the mostly unexamined world of sex addiction. It debuts Sunday, Nov. 1 at 10/9c. More details are in the press release below, and after that, get a look at the cast of the show on set…

VH1, Dr. Drew and Irwin Entertainment have expanded their documentary series on addiction to examine one of society’s most taboo topics, sex addiction, in the upcoming series Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew. The series is set to premiere on VH1 on Sunday, November 1 at 10pm.

Addictions are nothing new, and most people are aware of those involving alcohol, drugs, and eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, but few know about and understand sex addiction. It afflicts roughly 3%-6% of the American population, and just like other addictions, its impact on personal lives can be devastating. The affliction can wreak havoc on the mental and physical health of those afflicted as well as destroy marriages, families, careers and even finances.

Dr. Drew and a team of the nation’s foremost experts on sexual addiction will guide eight patients through an intensive state of the art program. Living together for 21 days, they’ll meet with Dr. Drew in daily one-on-one and group therapy sessions in order to get to the root of their compulsive behavior.

Dr. Drew is a highly respected practicing MD, is board certified in addiction medicine and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at KECK USC School of Medicine, who will once again give viewers an unflinching look at exactly how the rehab process works and what it feels like for participants. Dr. Drew hopes to use his patients to humanize the process and show viewers that treatment is a viable way to break the cycle of addiction.

Beginning Monday, October 26 fans can catch a sneak peek of the season’s first episode on VH1.com – one week before the on-air premiere. Subsequent episodes will be available on VH1.com the morning after they air. Additional video content from Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew including extras from each episode will be available on VH1.com and on VH1 Mobile throughout the season.

Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew is executive produced by John Irwin and Bruce Toms for Irwin Entertainment. Dr. Drew Pinsky and Howard Lapides are also executive producing. Jeff Olde, Jill Holmes, and Noah Pollack are executive producers for VH1.

(FYI, that’s marriage/family therapist Jill Vermeire in the shot above with Dr. Drew.)

The eight Sex Rehab patients (along with some biographical info on them) are below…


Jennifer Ketchum (aka Penny Flame) – Porn actress / Director / Business woman

Jennifer Ketcham, 26 years old (former adult star known as Penny Flame) is now pursuing a writing career and life in production behind the lens. As an adult performer Jennifer climbed to the top winning over 5 awards and directing educational guides for Vivid. Jennifer still owns her adult website PennyFlame.com (NSFW, duh) and directed and produced all the content on there. Her latest venture has been a confessional blog documenting her struggle to move away from her adult film life as Penny towards becoming Jennie. Taking everything she learned from the show she has remained sober and has been enjoying all the beauties sobriety has to offer.


James “Jamie” Lovett – Surfer / Wakeboarder

James Lovett is one of the world’s top rated surfers and wakeboarders. Lovett, who started surfing before the age of 10, was perfecting aerials at the age of ten. At 14 years old Lovett turned professional and has since dominated the sport winning countless competitions and medals. In 2004, at the age of 17 years old, Lovett climbed his way to the top of the wake surfing when he won the Centurion World Wake Surfing Championships.


Nicole Narain – Model / Playboy Playmate

Soon after becoming Playboy’s Miss January 2002, she appeared in music videos from the likes of Diddy, Mario Wayans and Jermaine Dupri. She’s also appeared on Entourage, Mad TV and American Heiress. She reached a new level of exposure when a sex tape featuring her with Colin Farrel leaked. “That pretty much ruined my life,” she says. Lately, she has been focusing on writing. “I’m ready to purge,” she reports.


Kari Ann Peniche – Beauty queen / Model / Fashion designer

Kari Ann was Miss Oregon Teen USA 2002, competed at Miss Teen USA 2002, won Miss Oregon United States 2003 then went on to win Miss United States Teen 2003. In Nov 2004 she appeared in Playboy. Along with various movie roles, Kari was briefly engaged to Aaron Carter. Her upcoming book, Stripped, Strung Out, and Beautifully Abused, focuses on sexual abuse, domestic violence, power, control, relationships and goals. Her clothing line is Strung Out Girl.


Kendra Jade Rossi – Ex-porn star / Music manager

During her years in the porn industry, Kendra became a well known adult film star. However, she also became tabloid fodder. (Star magazine and Us Weekly accused her of breaking up Kevin Federline and Britney Spears marriage after a trip to Vegas, for example.) She finally left the adult film industry in 2001 on the verge of a complete breakdown. She fell headlong into alcoholism and was also diagnosed as an agoraphobic with severe anxiety and panic disorders, which introduced the world of prescription drug abuse.

In 2007, Kendra was introduced to Lukas Rossi, winner of Rockstar Supernova, by mutual friends, Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee - and the two immediately clicked. They married 4 months after meeting. Kendra will tell anyone who will listen that Lukas saved her life. It was his love and devotion to her that spurred her to face her personal demons and reach out for help and sobriety.


Duncan Roy - Producer / Writer / Director

Duncan directed the acclaimed 2002 film AKA. He has worked as a journalist, and teaches low-budget filmmaking at UCLA extension. See his Wikipedia page for more info.


Amber Smith – Supermodel/Reality TV star/Actress

An internationally recognized supermodel and actress for 20 years, Amber Smith, also acted in films such as L.A. Confidential, American Beauty and The Mirror Has Two Faces. She appeared on the second season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, where she went public with her 16-year addiction to opiate painkillers. On the show, Amber underwent a painful withdrawal from drugs. She also appeared on the Rehab spin-off Sober House.


Phil Varone – Musician

Phil Varone is an accomplished drummer, music producer and songwriter best known for his work with the bands Saigon Kick and Skid Row. In 2004, Phil left Skid Row and the music business to pursue acting and stand up comedy. After moving to Los Angeles, he spent the first two years producing the feature length documentary, Waking Up Dead. Phil also lectures in colleges throughout the United States and is the creator and host of the Sex Stand Up and Rock and Roll Show.

Source: http://blog.vh1.com/2009-10-06/sex-rehab-with-dr-drew-peep-the-full-cast/

Watch episodes here: http://www.vh1.com/shows/sex_rehab_with_dr_drew/series.jhtml

I finished school!! Yeah!!

It has been a very intense month. I didn't do anything in Boston other than school/homework/sleep/yoga. Gorgeous city, wish I had more time here. Now it's time to leave.

* Tomorrow (Saturday) night I am working at Mustang Sally's in Pennsylvania.
* Sunday I drive to Washington DC.
* Monday morning I go to the consulate.

By this time next week I will be in Costa Rica to apply for residency.
All my dreams are coming true! :)

The Mastery Of Love

When I used to party, I surrounded myself with other people who also liked to party.
My romantic relationships were unhealthy. I didn't show myself enough love and then expected my [often unhealthy] partner to make up the difference. How ridiculous is that?

Part of being sober is healing myself in every possible way. Over the past month I've been in an intense school program. During my very limited free time (mostly while traveling to and from school), I read The Mastery of Love. It is the second book in a three part series. Last year, I posted about the first book: The Four Agreements.


Here are a few quotes from The Four Agreements:

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her.

We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.

If you live in a past dream, you don't enjoy what is happening right now because you will always wish it to be different than it is.

When you don't do your best you are denying yourself the right to be you.

The Mastery of Love is amazing. Here are some quotes from the first half which I feel compelled to share:

The need to be "right" is the result of trying to protect the image we want to project to the outside. We have to impose our way of thinking, not just onto other humans, but even upon ourselves.

In our mind we create that part of us that is always judging. ... There is always something the Judge can never accept or forgive. ... That is why we never deserve to be happy; that is why we are always searching for someone who abuses us, someone who will punish us. We have a very high level of self-abuse because of that image of perfection. ... You are no longer a child, and if you have an abusive relationship, it is because you accept that abuse, because you believe you really deserve it.

You cannot change other people. You love them or you don't. You accept them the way they are or you don't. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat, or a cat for a horse.

The one who loves you, loves you just the way you are. Because if someone wants to change you, it means you are not what that person wants.

If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.

Heal your half, and you are going to be happy. If you can heal that part of you, then you are going to be ready for a relationship without fear, without need. But remember, you can only heal your half.

If you can learn to control your own reactions, then you can change your routines, and you can change your life.

... You have to stalk your own reactions; you have to work with yourself every moment. It takes a lot of time and courage, because it is easier to take things personally and react the way you always react. And that leads you to a lot of mistakes, to a lot of suffering and pain, because your reactions only generate more emotional poison and increase the drama.

While you can just jump into the second book, reading the first book FIRST really does set up a solid foundation. The third book in the set is The Voice of Knowledge.