At the beginning of this year, the pastor at my church said to look at 2020 with mindful observant eyes and have 20-20 vision in all aspects of our lives. I took that to heart and have been working on myself and my life since then. I reevaluated what is important and am keeping that which adds to my life and am discarding everything that does not, I am studying new occupational skills, I tend to my garden, and I have eliminated friends whose actions and/or lack thereof have shown they are not really friends. I have healed my body and mind. Maybe now with my new set of eyes, 2020 will be the year that I find my partner.
In 2015, I came up with an excellent pro/con list. It still applies:
NON-NEGOTIABLE MUSTS: Completely honest with me, genius intelligence, respects me, trustworthy, ambitious, generous, ethical, makes eating organic/non-GMO a priority, good in bed, prepared to commit, communicates, kind, healthy, father figure, patience, authentic, emotional/physical/financial support, likes to travel, apologizes, emotionally healthy, compassionate, acts like a man and treats me as a lady, loyal, helps me succeed, shows that he values our time together, teaches me, gentleman, wants an immediate family, understands that love is a verb and not give up after the spark fades, compatible parenting views (mindfully parent according to the Positive Discipline model).
WOULD BE NICE--but not required: Athletic, speaks more than one language, high sex drive, spiritual, wealthy (well, this would be nice, lol), similar political beliefs, worldly, ex-pat mentality, computer geek, at least 10 years older than me, romantic, monogamous, can build and repair things.
ABSOLUTE DEALBREAKERS: Lies, abusive, passive-aggressive, undependable, refuses to admit when he's wrong or when he doesn't know something, doesn't take responsibility, antagonistic teaser, alcoholic or drug addict, scares me, invades my privacy, cheap, uses denial-of-relationship-sex as a weapon, vindictive, television junkie, smokes cigarettes, thrives with drama, stalkerish.
The two most intense relationships of my life started off perfect. Whirlwind romances! Yet, with time, many items from the dealbreaker list surfaced. It is as if they pretended as long as they could and then their mask dropped. I can not allow any of these dealbreakers to occur. No excuses, no exceptions. Each one must be a concrete relationship ender. I am worthy.
About Me
- Trixie Racer
- When you fail to follow your dreams, you cheat yourself out of being you.
Be proud of who you are and don't back down.
Be a winner at the game of life!
3 comments:
EXCELLENT link: https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice
I've found that the best ones always take you by surprise
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-quiz/
Have you heard about the 5 love languages of apology? Apologies and the lack of are so important to relationships and people do interpret them differently. Someone told me about the test today and it can be done for free online. Here are my results:
Request Forgiveness 0%
Accept Responsibility 24%
Make Restitution 29%
Expressing Regret 24%
Genuinely Repent 24%
What are yours?
MY PRIMARY APOLOGY LANGUAGE IS: Make Restitution
In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A person who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The partner who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their counterpart still loves them.
There are many effective ways to demonstrate sincerity in an apology. Each partner must learn the other’s love language in order to complete the act of restitution. Though some counterparts may feel as though all is forgotten with a bouquet of flowers, that may not necessarily work for all mates. Every mate should uncover what their partner’s main love language is (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts) and use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way.
For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitution, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, your mate will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love your counterpart and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.
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