For iphone fans

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For all the geeks out there:

Happy Independence Day!

A year ago I celebrated July 4th by taking back my life and becoming independent. It was the best move I could have possibly made. Levels of independence: sexual, financial, emotional. I don't need anyone else in my life. I am comfortable in my own skin and am happy by myself. If I decide to allow someone in to share my life with me, that person will have to be very special and deserving.

"Alice"

Recently I have been looking at websites that I shouldn't. Not only did I fall off the wagon in this regard, it ran over me and took a picture. (No, you CAN'T see the picture! :-p)

So, I'll admit, tonight I was looking at escort ads... I've been celibate for so long now, I figured it couldn't hurt to check out some hot girls. With my history of hiring ladies, this is a slippery slope... But a smart man once told me that "We never do anything that we can't rationalize." I was being bad and knew it.

It just happened that I was lingering over a specific ad when I noticed someone posted a response comment:

Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.

Early on, we came to feel disconnected -- from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.

We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free of it was to do it. "Please connect with me and make me whole!" we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.

This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.

Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another because we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the "chemistry," the connection that had the magic, because it by-passed intimacy and true union. Fantasy corrupted the real; lust killed love.

First addicts, then love cripples, we took from others to fill up what was lacking in ourselves. Conning ourselves time and again that the next one would save us, we were really losing our lives.

Wow, what a slap in the face reminder! In case you don't recognize it, it is from Sexaholics Anonymous. I have been to a few dozen meetings--SA, AA, NA, OA. Next month marks one year completely sober from alcohol and drugs. Since I removed the triggers from my life, it's been easy. I've been telling myself that by remaining sober for a whole year would be proof that I can keep myself in check. My long term goal was never to quit forever, but to regain control of my life. After I achieve this goal I will likely indulge in an Ireland/Amsterdam vacation to celebrate. >;-)    

Unlike drugs and alcohol, giving up sex hasn't been as simple. Sex is a normal part of life; intimacy is too. I have refrained from both of these since last year. Considering I've been working in an adult environment, this is much harder than you can possibly imagine. And by my web use lately, it is apparent that full abstinence may not be the best solution for my sex addiction. But if not that, what?

The birth of Internet Porn

We all love it!

Baby Survives After Stroller Falls Off Australia Train Platform

I believe that we create most of what happens in our lives. If you're negative, you will attract circumstances which create more negativity. If you are a positive person filled with faith of good, you will experience a happy positive life. However, sometimes true miracles happen.

Two poems

A friend sent me this via email:

A WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed. Pull out my chair and hold my hand. Massage my feet and help me stand. Oh send a king to make me queen. A man who loves to cook and clean. I pray this man will love no other and relish visits with my mother.


A MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Jesus Camp

Today I watched "Jesus Camp."I must admit, I am appalled. The children there aren't taught to think for themselves. Instead, they are directly brainwashed. Jesus Camp even goes so far to say that evolution is wrong and Creationism is the only theory that makes sense. (!)

These poor kids are taught prejudice and brainwashed into believing "America is supposed to be God's Nation." The camp head doesn't deny it either: "You can call it brainwashing but I am radically passionate about teaching children their responsibility as Christians, as God-fearing people, as Americans if you want to take it there."

"Take these prophecies and make war with them. This means war! This means war! This means war! Are you a part of it or not?"

A young girl around 10 years old said, "I feel like we're kinda being trained to be warriors, only in a much funner way. We don't, like, I don't feel a sense of afraid to die in battle or anything like you would when you're actually going off to a war in the physical. There's a peace with it all too. There's an excitement yet peace at the same time. It's really cool!" The boy next to her adds, "You know a lot of people die for God and stuff and they're not even afraid." To top it off, the girl's father told her that when he and his fellow soldiers go to war they jump right into it shouting "Martyr, martyr!!" The girl finished off with another, "It's really cool!"

According to this film, 25% of all Americans and 75% of all home-schooled children are Evangelical Christians. It is a horrifying thought that these kind of extreme views could possibly be that widespread. I'd like to believe that this video portrays only the most fanatical sect and is not typical of what most Evangelicals believe. I could look it up, but I really don't want confirmation.

The degree to which religion with politics were zealously intermingled was shocking. "You made a covenant with God tonight that you're going to pray to end abortion in America. Don't take that lightly. Don't be a promise breaker. Don't be a promise breaker--be a history maker." Such a statement could easily be interpreted in a grand, yet dangerous, way.

Regarding George Bush's nomination of Judge Samuel Alito for Supreme Court Judge:

"What we worked on for 30 years is coming to culmination to consummation right now. And let's, let's confirm this man, Judge Alito, to the US Supreme Court and let's make one more step towards bringing America back to one nation under God. God bless you."

Ted Haggard, President of National Association of Evangelicals, speaks out: "We don't have to think about what we believe about homosexual activity--it's written in the bible." OMG!! This man was a weekly adviser to President Bush!!!

"There's a new church like this popping up every two days in America. It's gotten enough growth to essentially sway every election. If the Evangelicals vote, they determine the election. It's a fabulous life!"

The woman who runs the camp knowingly stated, "The extreme liberals, they've got to be looking at this and shaking in their boots." While I don't consider myself an extreme liberal by any means, I am terrified that this may become the new America.

The biggest little city

Reno may be my favorite city to dance in. The club is awesome, the other dancers are friendly, and it is a much different vibe than Vegas.



With all the time I've been dancing, nobody has ever made me a dollar bill horse before. Not only is it original but it uses multiple bills!! Two great ladies constructed this on my stage for me. I very carefully carried it to the locker room and took pictures. Then I stapled it together so it will always be my horse. YAY!! :)



You know you've made an impression when the stripper would rather keep your dollar bill structure or origami instead of spending it. ;)

XBIZ Vegas

It's been a long while since I've attended a porn convention. While I had no intention on attending this one, due to circumstances I was nearby. Since I was driving in from Northern California, I swung by Los Angeles and picked up Roy Karch.


For those of you who do not already know, he is THE MAN! He and I are exactly alike, he's just 30 years older, a man, and is the one responsible for bringing porn into your bedroom! Having shot over 600 films, Roy Karch is the longest standing porn director in the Industry.



D-Money invited me to the Players' Ball. Too $hort performed. I've seen him lots of times at Players' Balls and at the Playboy Mansion but he always puts on a great show. It was fun seeing so many friends.

I met a super hot and playful porn star: Ashley Fires. She is truly MUCH more beautiful than her pictures (and I am still sober--so this is an accurate statement, lol). To top it off, her personality is incredible. Amazing.


In case it isn't entirely obvious, I'm looking forward to seeing her again! ;)

San Francisco Golden Gate Park Murder

(The above flier can be downloaded full-size at this link)

It has been a year and a half since Brandon was murdered. Someone knows something. Times are tough and people are poor and unemployed. Is the new $100,000 reward enough to turn on a shady friend who is a bad person? I sure hope so.

• People with information that might be relevant, should contact:
  
  Inspector Brian Delahunty
  
  (415) 553-1336
  
  brian.delahunty@sfgov.org
  

  
  Or, Christine Evans
  (Brandon's Mom) at rewardforbrandon@gmail.com
  
  

  
  

  
  
  Please contribute to the Justice for Brandon Fund

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

• Brandon Evans

  
  

Aspartame

Seriously. Most people don't pay attention at all to what they put in their body. I was guilty of this for a long time. Years ago I stopped eating MSG, thinking it was the only evil thing I could put into my body. HA! Ignorance is bliss sometimes...until you get sick.



Aspartame is made from: Aspartic acid 40%, Methanol 10%, Phenylalanine 50%. Not only have I stopped consuming aspartame but I check ingredient lists for asparatame building blocks. I actively avoid corn syrup too (much more difficult than you would imagine if you don't cook all of your own meals). For the most part I now Eat Clean. My health has improved and my body now looks better than it has in years. But this isn't about me. This posting is to make YOU think about what you put into your own body. Do you eat foods with ingredients you cannot even pronounce? Have you looked them up on the internet so see what they are?

Nice Guys

I took the "Do you Like Bad Boys?" quiz in the book "The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top". Not surprisingly, I scored overwhelmingly that I prefer to date nice guys. :)

Care to keep your job?

Most people don't realize how much their employer can monitor them. It's important to protect your job by taking precautions.

Psssst--Your Boss Is Spying on You!
These days, even your instant messages are tracked.

Think your privacy is protected at the office? Think again. In fact, if you're reading this at work, there's a very good chance that your boss is, too.

While we no longer live in the days when Henry Ford could freely inspect his employees' homes, technological advances have erased the idea of employee privacy at work.

Employers monitor employees not only to rate employee performance but also to assess and prevent security risks, fraud, and sexual harassment. Modern workers are exposed to a wide variety of privacy-invasive procedures such as drug and psychological testing, video surveillance, phone monitoring, location tracking, computer monitoring, email filtering, instant-message archiving, and keystroke logging.

Industries notorious for their extensive practice of employee monitoring include financial services, telecommunications, pharmaceuticals, insurance, and government. But no one with a job is safe from workplace privacy invasions.

How private are your activities at your workplace? Not very. Here are some things you need to know:

Your employer can--and likely does--read your e-mail. More companies than ever are reading employee email. Nearly three-fourths use technology tools to sort the email, but 40 percent actually have a real person who reads and reviews emails. So if you're one of the 79 percent of employees who use a work email account to send or receive personal messages, beware! And you're not even safe using your personal account on your work computer, since emails are sent through the same server, giving employers access to everything.

Your company probably tracks your phone use. Although the law varies among states, employers often monitor employee phone use. According to a recent surveillance study, 51 percent of companies track the numbers dialed and time spent on the phone, 12 percent record phone conversations, and 8 percent review voicemail messages. Some states don't require a warning to employees that this extensive monitoring is in effect; you can find out by asking your HR department.

Your employer may monitor your personal text messages on your company cell phone. Employees of private companies should have no expectation of privacy when using company-issued handheld communication devices. However, unlike emails stored on the company server, text messages are archived by cell phone companies--and many employers do not pay for access.

Even your IM conversations aren't sacred. Back in 2005, only 10 percent of companies tracked their employees' instant messages. However, as IMs have become more pervasive, more companies are investing in tracking software for IM monitoring.

Your boss can monitor your Facebook account, even if you restrict public viewing. If you access your favorite social media profiles on your work computer, you give your employer instant access to your entire profile. In fact, a recent study reveals that more than 70 percent of corporations have access to employees' use of social media.

Your employer can access your personal photos, videos, music, and more. Do you ever charge your phone or camera through your work computer? According to Jeffrey Keener, senior security engineer at Guidance, a company that produces company security software, "If you had an iPod or a digital camera charging through the USB port, we could browse all the files that were stored on the device."

To top it all off, your boss can probably track your every move. If your workplace has a CCTV (closed-circuit TV) system, then you already know you're being watched. But there are subtler ways for employers to track your location. Employee ID "key badges" help employers track where you've been, security software can track how long you spend away from your computer, and the GPS program on your company-issued cell phone can provide your exact location at all times.

With some computer-monitoring programs priced as low as $30, more and more employers see employee monitoring as a valuable investment. So the next time you decide to surf the Web for non-work-related reasons, send a personal email through your work email account, or sneak out for an extra long lunch, just remember that you're likely being watched.

Source: http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/career-articles-psssst_your_boss_is_spying_on_you-1265

Studying: it's already worth it now. :)

The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know.


You can never have "too much" knowledge. Exercise your brain!

9 Marriage Rules You SHOULD Break?!?

I *completely* disagree with this article: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/9-marriage-rules-you-should-break-1387877/

Padded underwear?

Are you kidding me? This is a real ad!!

Booty Pop Panties Make Flat Fannies Look Bootylicious

Booty Pop undies claim to make your butt look so out of this world that people will ask you if you are wearing astronaut pants. Yes ladies, your flat fanny will be ignored no more with these fun colored and shaped underwear.

Booty Pop panties have inserts in the rear to give a little cushion to your behind. With these playful underoos you can go from looking like Kate Moss to Kim Kardashian in no time.

- - - - - - - - - -

Or...you could just go to the gym! Yes it's a lot more work but imagine not seeing the disappointment in your lover's eyes when you take off your pants. That alone should make it worth it. ;-)

My friend's son was killed

His name was Brandon Lee Evans and he was a really good kid. Here is the website for more information: www.justiceforbrandon.com

This letter was written by Christine, Brandon's mom:

My son was murdered in San Francisco Golden Gate Park on November 29, 2008. I have not given up on finding the person(s) who did this very cowardly act on my son. They took him from those who loved him at a very young age of barely 20 years old. Please do me a favor and send an email and/or letter by mail to the below information, to America's Most Wanted. In the letter please notate in your own words to please air this story on TV to help find Justice for Brandon Lee Evans and capture the people who did this. There is a $100,000. REWARD & a Hotel in San Francisco who has offered to pay for America's Most Wanted Hotel expenses if they do a story on Brandon. Please keep the letter simple, as I am sending this letter out to everyone I can in hopes that everyone will at least...send to 10 people, and request that they too request that they have their people send to at least 10 more. My goal is to send as many letters to America's Most Wanted in hopes that they will be flooded with letters and do a story on my son, Brandon Lee Evans. The way it works on how they choose a story is...randomly selected. In which, I believe the more popular a story is in the media...they will do it. I believe that with the help of this airing nationwide...we have a better chance of finding who did this forsaking act. Again, keep it simple...as a request to do the story and include the website his name, my name...Christine Evans and my contact information rewardforbrandon@gmail.com

I appreciate everyone who receives this to lend a helping hand to bringing Justice to Brandon and his family & friends.

With Sincere Appreciation,

Much Love....
Christine Evans

* * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who read my blog, please take 5 minutes of your time to quickly send America's Most Wanted a letter. The letter should be a request for America's Most Wanted to air this story on TV in order to help find Justice for Brandon Lee Evans and capture his killer(s). Think of it as your good deed for the day--it could really make a difference. Thank you.

Gregory Howell, Associate Producer
America's Most Wanted
E-mail: ghowell@amw.com

America’s Most Wanted
PO Box Crime TV
Washington DC 20016

My Ideal Partner 2010

I have done this the past two years in a row -- 2008 and 2009.

Here is 2010:

Who I am: honest even when it hurts to be, zest for life, no regrets, old soul, enjoys reading, grounded, sober, self aware, adventurous, highly sexual, happy, tenacious, intelligent, free and living day by day, believes everything happens for a reason, non-smoker, motivated, fit, romantic, loyal friend, realist, smiles and laughs easily, open-minded, lifetime student, positive, healthy eater, sports fan, computer geek, generous, loving, kinky, trustworthy, dog & cat owner, fair, optimistic, logical, not jealous, reliable, awesome boobs, thinks outside the box, one-of-a-kind, independent, thoughtful, spiritual, respectful, "show off", teacher, loves traveling, grateful, helps friends move, accepts people for who they are, sense-of-humor, spontaneous, playful, ex-pat, turns my dreams into reality, not afraid to say "no", liberal yet conservative, motherly, bisexual, confident, lovable, pretty, likes crossdressers, child-free, good in bed, athletic.
Caution: high maintenance, irresponsible at times, talks too fast and too much, clumsy, bipolar, loves cake.


My ideal partner has these qualities: knows and likes the true me, honest even when it hurts to be, is my best friend, respectful, treats me as an equal, mental/physical/financial/emotional support, genius intelligence, zest for life, we talk about everything, trustworthy, gives me space, always takes my feelings into consideration, romantic, helps me better myself, spontaneous, ex-pat mentality, likes cats & dogs, listens to me, computer geek, gentleman, teaches me, makes me laugh, builds and repairs things, thinks outside-the-box, acts like a man and treats me like a lady, smart in ways I'm not, fair, includes me, worldly, takes chances, puts me in my place, likes to learn, high sex drive, reliable, family values, motivated, loves himself, articulate, enjoys traveling, athletic, same political beliefs, confident, spiritual, good-in-bed, loves unconditionally, shares hopes and dreams, funny, cuddles, responsible, generous, non-smoker, loyal, not jealous, healthy eater, can stop me from eating cake.
Without any of these qualities: lies, dishonest, violent, scares me, makes me feel bad about myself, insensitive, disrespectful, drug addiction, alcoholic.

My celibacy journey

It is no secret that I am a sex addict. I have alluded to it in previous postings and openly talk about it with my friends. My libido craves 4 times per day at a few hours per session. After my last relationship ended, I decided that good sex isn't worth the drama anymore and made a decision to remain celibate.

When I first started this journey, it was difficult. I read Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addictionand filled out the worksheets inside. It is important to mention that this also included no masturbation so initially I was chewing skin which had previously been covered by fingernails.



After the first few weeks, a strange clarity swept over me and life became peaceful and less stressful. This was unexpected and is the reason I've been able to maintain abstinence. All my friends have been very supportive (even if they don't fully understand) and have seen positive changes in me. Selfishly-motivated people cannot hide their disdain and are phased out of my life.

For a woman with a high sex drive, even a few months is an eternity--and it has been MUCH longer than that. In fact, I realized today that this is actually the longest I have refrained from sex since the very first time I had sex! Celibacy isn't a lifetime decision for me, but it is still the right choice for now. How long will it be before I have sex again? I have no idea. Jokingly I say I am waiting until marriage and, who knows, maybe...

stumbled across TMZ's website

...and found this Big Lebowski porn parody trailer (featuring my good friend, Roy Karch). If you liked the original movie, this will be a special treat:


TMZ primarily features star gossip, paparazzis, etc.. Since I don't watch TV and I don't read tabloids, imagine my fascination. This is much more typical of what is up there: