About Me

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When you fail to follow your dreams, you cheat yourself out of being you.
Be proud of who you are and don't back down.
Be a winner at the game of life!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Selling ES300 Lexus LOADED with Adult items

I am selling my 2001 Lexus ES300 fully loaded with HUGE lot of new unopened adults novelties, new unworn stripper outfits (with tags still attached), wigs, stripper shoes, and a metallic purple static/rotating stripper pole. I am not interested in parting this out, it all goes at once. $8000 with local pickup in Atlanta includes the car and everything inside. I'll even throw in my used stripper items, if you want them.

Whether you are good with eBay or have a retail/online store, work in porn production, are a stripper (or are in love with a stripper), buying this lot is almost like getting a free Lexus because the adult items alone are worth what I'm asking.  

Southwest now flies to Atlanta so, no matter where you live, you can get here one-way for less than $200. I recommend flying in because there is too much stuff to take without a full car; the Lexus will be completely filled.

Yes, this is an unusual bundle--but perfect for the one who is interested! 

Friday, December 20, 2013

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

After much reflection, I understand the common theme behind why my relationships haven't succeeded. Despite having worked as a stripper, I'm primarily a Good Girl. This is a significant contradiction which most people cannot fathom.

Years ago I seriously dated a man who said he couldn't figure out if I was a Good Girl or a Bad Girl. That's because I am both. I do have a bad girl side which I am completely honest about, but it's minor and only a fraction of who I am. It seems that most men do not believe these can co-exist and want to put you in one category or the other.

The majority of the men I've dated I met through work. These men liked the excitement of dating a Vegas stripper and wanted to harness a Bad Girl, never viewing me as the Good Girl I actually am. They wanted to party; I wanted to settle down.

How to explain to someone who likes viewing me as a Bad Girl that I am 90% Good Girl? What I say or do doesn't seem to influence who they believe I am. Even though I tell my partner all about me, they listen to what they want to hear, make the judgements they want to make, and form the opinion they want to have. This would cause me to "act out" and be bad--but not in the way they had hoped.

My longest relationship had the opposite problem. He knew that I was mostly Good Girl and was attracted to me because of that. At the same time, he enjoyed that I had a Bad Girl side and encouraged it beyond who I instinctually am. Because of his Madonna Whore complex, he loved me as his pure partner but was only turned on by those he considered bad. *sigh*  It was almost like he wanted me to be the wild stripper the other men believed I was, but then chose to be with me because I wasn't. I thought we were both on the same page and believed we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Since I no longer strip, at least when I am finally ready to date again it won't be with men who met me that way. Even so, I am worried that--because I am so open about who I am--I will keep attracting men who believe my Bad Girl/Good Girl ratios are different than they are or who will want to change them. The easy solution would be to stop being so open, but I want my partner to choose to be with me because he knows who I truly am.

Why are honesty, disclosure, and acceptance such rare relational traits?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly....

Today's thought from Hazelden is: 

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly...." --Antoine de Saint Exupery 

If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations -- a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we look upon them with gratitude. Everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds. When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference. 

You are reading from the book: Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Unhappy birthday

My birthday wasn't pleasant. In fact, it was pretty sad because the reality of my failed relationship finally left the shock phase and entered the grieving stage. While around others, I put on a "happy face"...but whenever I was alone, I cried.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Your New Body in 30 Days

A friend of mine and I were recently talking about our bodies. She retired a decade ago and misses her stripper figure. To help her get back in shape, I sent her this email:

This is the Body Pump workout that I do at home: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhaKN8sAocI.

Keep in mind that it is easy to injure yourself with BodyPump. You must use proper form! This means always keep your wrists straight, never let your knees go pass your toes, in squat position all your weight should be on your heels (I lift my toes the whole time to be sure), and keep your chest "proud" throughout your workout. I recommend attending live classes because being in a group will help you get through when you want to stop (and you will want to stop early) and mirrors help with form. Start with only the bar for the first class. If you are not sore the next day, you were probably using incorrect form. If ever you feel like class was too easy (after the fact) or you don't get sore, it's time to up your weight with the minimum increment on each side. This class should always be challenging.

For cellulite, you should do body scrubs: http://www.essenceofmyinstincts.com/the-importance-of-a-good-scrub-body-brushing-and-exfoliation/. In addition, you need to drink a ton of water. Whatever your weight is, divide by half, and that is your minimum amount of required daily water. For example, I weigh 140, divided in half means I need a minimum of 70 ounces of water per day. If you want to lost weight, it's even more: http://www.slenderkitchen.com/how-to-calculate-how-much-water-you-should-drink-a-day/.

This is not easy. It may be the hardest you've ever worked on your body. But I guarantee that if you do an hour class 3 times per week, within a month your body will be changed. And, if you also add 2-3 spin classes per week during that same month, you will go from however you look now back to having a body you will be proud of.

I forgot to add: what you eat is extremely important! Seriously. You can't make a regular habit of eating fast food and have a ripped body. When you start tracking, you may be surprised at where your calories are coming from and which activities burn the most. There are several free programs which help you do this. For your smart phone, MyFitnessPal and LoseIt are the most popular. Enter in all your food, exercise, and weigh-ins. Chances are you'll lose weight from making smarter food choices.

Are you ready for your new body? Then take control of yourself and get it! It only takes 30 days to make an impressive change. This is what I do and it will work for you, too.  :)

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Thanksgiving is a day which should remind us how to be every other day.

During previous Thanksgivings, I've had to really think about what I should be grateful for (!!). Thankfully, I expanded my focus to see abundance all around and am now grateful everyday--for what I had, what I currently have, and what my future will bring. This year I'm even lucky enough to be spending the holiday with family creating happy memories-to-be. YEA!!

  "The one person I am with forever is me. My relationship with myself eternal, so I choose to be my own best friend. I choose to love and accept myself and talk to myself as I would to a beloved person in my life. I saturate all the cells in my body with love, and they become vibrantly healthy. I relate with love to all of life."  -- Louise L. Hay

HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2013...and every other day too!

~ This is the way to live. ~

Saturday, November 2, 2013

My Ideal Partner 2013

How did I get so far into the year without doing this? Of course I know: I was focused on my relationship. Now that I am single again and reviewed my 2011 list, I see that it was spot on.

What happened? While we got along well, deal breakers are still deal breakers.

Deal Breakers

This last relationship was like a marriage, and it's going to take me time to recover from such a massive blow. I'm not one of those women who jumps from one relationship to the next. Realistically, I won't be ready to date for awhile because I need time to be myself as an individual again instead of being half of a partnership. All that said, here are my lists:

My ideal partner has these qualities: Genius intelligence, family values, is my best friend, gentleman, knows and likes the true me, shares hopes and dreams, funny, ex-pat mentality, treats me as an equal, ethical, loves himself, honest even when it hurts to be, has faith in me, thinks outside-the-box, makes me laugh, computer geek, generous, we talk about everything, successful, speaks more than one language, always considerate of my feelings, zest for life, athletic, non-smoker, gives me space, worldly, open-minded, loves unconditionally, good in bed, father figure, supports me mentally/physically/financially/emotionally, spiritual, articulate, romantic, sense of humor, motivated, sincere, trustworthy, helps me better myself, spontaneous, likes cats & dogs, builds and repairs things, acts like a man and treats me like a lady, confident, smart in ways I'm not, listens to me, includes me, takes chances, respectful, puts me in my place, likes to learn, teaches me, high sex drive, reliable, enjoys traveling, cuddles, fair, responsible, loyal, not jealous, healthy eater, protects me, helps me achieve my goals.

Deal breakers: Lies, disrespectful, scares me, makes me feel bad about myself, violent, alcoholism, drug addiction, passive-aggressive

I admit that I'm not the easiest woman to deal with and it's tough to get me to commit. At the same time, my partner always knows where we stand without having to guess and I only ask questions that I truly want the answers for. I am honest, forgiving, understanding, loyal, and as straightforward as they come.

I expect the same in return -- even from friends.

Who I am: Playful, liberal yet conservative, thinks outside-the-box, independent, highly sexual, no regrets, ex-pat, generous, not afraid to say “no”, spiritual, zest for life, follows my heart, fit, non-smoker, self-respecting, loves unconditionally, open-minded, comfortable talking about anything, shares, lifetime student, enjoys helping others, loves traveling, compassionate, realist, romantic, good in bed, honest even when it hurts to be, sober, pretty, non-jealous, girly, computer geek, pro-gun, genuine, believes everything happens for a reason, old soul, grounded, vain, conspiracy theorist, happy, tenacious, loyal friend, motivated, smiles and laughs easily, intelligent, positive, healthy eater, sports fan, trustworthy, dog lover, cat owner, fair, anti-GMO, logical, reliable, one-of-a-kind, thoughtful, respectful, teacher, grateful, helps friends move, accepts people for who they are, sense-of-humor, turns dreams into reality, values privacy, mothering, frugal, bisexual, A.D.D./O.C.D., bakes goodies, confident, spontaneous, lovable.

Caution: high maintenance, clumsy, mildly bipolar, polyamorous, allergic to drama

A few years ago, a friend introduced me to this song because he said that I fit the profile of a Wayseer. I agree.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A Man is Only As Good As His Word

 "I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies." -- Pietro Aretino  

When you are dishonest about who you are, what you think, and your behaviors, you trick people into believing you are someone you are not. Maybe they would've accepted you for you, or maybe not...but, by lying, you took away their choice. The frequency and severity of your lies directly correlates to the amount of trauma people experience when your lies are discovered. You stole invested time while hurting another human's self-esteem and ability to trust.

Lies broke it

It is far more rewarding to have 3 friends who know and love the true you than 3000 who love a fake fabricated shell. The latter isn't real and will eventually crumble. If you lie out of fear, your lies will eventually cause the rejection or loss you are trying to avoid--and maybe even worse.

A Man Is Only As Good As His Word
A man is only as good as his word

When I make the choice to let someone new into my inner world, I let that person in completely. This is unusual and some people don't believe it. Afterall, if I exposed THAT, what must I really be hiding? I am shocked by this pessimistic view of the world. Yes I put myself at higher risk of getting hurt by unscrupulous people but, at the same time, I open myself up to real connection that otherwise wouldn't be possible.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Who is your tv/movie personality?

Most people have seen character in either a movie or on television whom they can relate to. Since I rarely watch television--purposely don't have cable and am disgusted by reality TV shows--it has taken me until now to find mine: Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother. I still have a few more seasons to watch (almost finished with Season 6), and so far she's pretty close.

Who is your entertainment personality? Would people who know you agree?

Monday, August 5, 2013


During a recent argument, I called my friend a "pretentious ass". It fit. For fun this morning, while still glowing with pride at my clever remark, I decided to look "pretentious" up in the dictionary. To my absolute shock, there I was. Not just a photo, but a live stream, as if there was a hidden camera in the dot of the i .    *embarrassed*

Seriously... I require an overhaul. I have allowed character flaws to run rampant. I am not a princess. No, I'm not. Truthfully. I have to remember that. There are plenty more too, but no need to boast.   :-p    Honest self-evaluation is tough. And when we go too long without monitoring our own behavior, sometimes we morph into someone we no longer like. 

Structure helps. This is what I am currently working on:
  • Study for IT re-certifications
  • Read The Fourfold Path to Healing: Working with the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine  
  • Create compatible menu plans and shopping lists 
  • eBay

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Old Man Passed

There are so many memories, and they all make me smile. He lived a full great life.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Cannabis to be an allowed exception

I quit drinking on August 14, 2009 and quit smoking marijuana on August 30, 2009. Before quitiing, I used both to self-medicate. I joke around about having been an alcoholic and drug addict, but in reality I don't believe that to be true. A more honest assessment would be that I drank and used in excess in hopes of dying. Thankfully, I removed myself from unhappy situations and learned healthy life coping techniques.

After quitting, I had a pot dealer roommate, stayed with a good friend who made daily offers, and became romantically involved with a weed smoker. In addition, I kept my own personal stash (it was only last year that I finally got rid of it). Opportunity to smoke has always been here.

How have I stayed clean and sober? Because I chose to. Alcohol and drugs were no longer serving me in a productive way. Did I read any 12 Step books? No, but I bought some. Have I been attending 12 Step meetings? The only meetings I've attended were during Burning Man.

So, why am I writing this? It is probable that I will eventually smoke again. Not a lot, and not to self-medicate. For over a year I've been weighing the pros and cons of introducing marijuana back into my life.  Pot gave me energy, helped me exercise, and expanded my mind for more creative writing.

There are people who will think I am going on the wrong path. Some are just anti-marijuana, others may feel like I'm on a slippery slope back into addiction. I have thought long and hard about that and don't believe it to be true.  People say that cigarettes or marijuana are the gateway drugs, when in reality it is caffeine and alcohol--but I digress..... I haven't started smoking yet and I'm not even sure when I will. I say "when" because I do expect to smoke weed again. The circumstances will be right, and, this time around, it won't be an inadvertant "moment of weakness" or to mask unhappiness in my life.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Mother's Day

In addition to thinking about our mothers today, let's think about Mother Earth. What are YOU doing to keep her healthy? What are you doing to hurt her?

Saturday, March 16, 2013

2013 = Lent Fail

While nobody would ever know if I didn't out myself, I feel obligated to report what happened with Lent this year. My sickness lasted a few weeks and, during that time, I didn't exercise. Because of this, I halted ALL fines. Even though I didn't last 40 days, my Lent 2013 experience wasn't a waste. I made some changes I am pleased with:
  • my cursing has reduced dramatically
  • I eat sweet potatoes often as an alternative to sugar-sweets
  • my exercise routine has intensified

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Lent 2013 - First 10 days

25% of the way through and so far my "Lent Jar" contains $24. Here is a summary of my first 10 days of Lent:

February 14 - Cursed 4 times = $8. Had dream I ate sweets but, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 15 - Cursed 1 time = $2.
February 16 - Cursed 3 times = $6.
February 17-19 - No fines!
February 20 - Cursed 2 times = $4.
February 21 - No fines!
February 22 - Cursed 2 times = $4. Also had dream I cursed 3 more times...but again, since it was only a dream there is no penalty.
February 23 - No fines!

Sugar has been easier than I expected. My diet is pretty healthy, so this extra step just eliminates items I shouldn't be eating.

Cheese has been tougher than expected--especially while eating out! Cheese is in many of the foods I love.

Of course I have cursed, but it's going better than anticipated. This is a nasty tough habit to break.

I've always been a weight lift girl, so daily cardio is new for me. I am happy to say that, since the treadmill and I have become friends, my body is showing results.  :)

Today I am sick (flu?). I would have forced myself to go to the gym anyway, but someone reminded me Sundays are taken off during Lent. Yes! Just to be clear: I'm not doing this for any of my sacrifices. I'll accept this cardio holiday because it is best to heal before taxing my body further.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

No Sugar-coated Kisses

It is sadly ironic that Valentine's Day this year falls during Lent...
No sugar-coated kisses, chocolates, or cake for Trixie. :(
Happy Valentine's Day!!

While looking for images for this post, I stumbled across the one below and learned that sugar is now genetically modified!! There are many reasons to avoid genetically modified (GMO) foods. Learn how.

No Frankensugar!!

It is scary just how our food supply is becoming a science project. While we know that genetically modified crops are killing the honey bees (!), we don't know the long-term effects on humans yet. What an unbelievable and stupid risk!    Have you seen Children of Men?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Ash Wednesday

Not being religious, I am lucky that I found out Lent started today.

The way the brain works, if you can do something for 21 days you can make a permanent change. Lent is 40 days.

This year for Lent I am consciously giving up (1) sugar, (2) cheese, and (3) cursing. In addition to these sacrifices, I will do a minimum of 30 minutes cardio every single day for these next 40 days.

New for this year, I am also going to add financial consequences for slip-ups.
Eating sugar - $10 
Eating cheese - $10
Cursing - $2  (I'm scared this one may add up quickly)
Missing cardio day - $20
These fines are designed to get me back on proper course --not a "cheat pass" opportunity . Because my full intention is to succeed, I am not even thinking up what to do with any money that ends up in the Lent fund (hopefully there will be none).  I officially start tomorrow.   :)

Sunday, February 10, 2013

The dos and don'ts of internet dating

When people decide to use the internet to find a potential partner, many don't know what to do. It's easier than you might think! Here is your short guide:

1) Have a detailed profile. One of the biggest mistakes men often make is not writing enough. There are a disproportionate amount of men on dating sites, so most women get bombarded with attention. Unless your profile says something to stand out and spark interest, most women won't waste their time responding. Also, have a positive tone to your profile; negative comments are a turn off. Writing a quality profile is an investment.

2) The goal is to meet in person, so upload at least one photo. This should go without saying, but sadly many people mess this up so I'll spell it out: THE PHOTO SHOULD BE OF YOU, representative of what you currently look like, and recent!! If someone chooses to meet you after seeing your pics, then your looks are good enough. :)   Using a non-accurate photo says you are dishonest, and most likely will cause your date to be dissapointed in your appearance. In the comment fields it is always good to list the month and year that each picture was taken.

3) Be honest. No matter who you are and what you're looking for, there is someone for everyone. Being honest is essential to finding the most compatible person for you.

4) Smile in your pictures. This is the #1 thing I look for. When a man doesn't smile in his photos, he doesn't seem like a happy person or fun to spend time with. Taking happy photos will bring you better luck.
** Six months ago I took pictures of a friend of mine for his online dating profile. Before that, he never smiled for photos which made him look grumpy/older in his pics. Needless to say, he got little response. A geeky smile--or any kind of unnatural smile--is always more inviting than a non-smile. :)  The way I took new smile pictures was to have my camera ready and I snapped photos whenever he laughed. It took a weekend to get a few good ones, but afterward he had much better dating luck and now has a girlfriend!
5) If you initiate contact with someone, write at least a couple paragraphs. I know, some people are rude and don't reply. However, you are looking for a new PARTNER here, so spend at least a couple minutes to show you're interested. Bring up something specific from their profile that makes you think the two of you will be compatible. Rule of thumb: your message should always be a minimum of 300 characters. Realistically, double the length of a text message or tweet. Sending anything shorter screams "You are not worthy of my time."

6) Reply to all messages that you receive. This one is sometimes tough, especially if you get a lot of messages. However, even a "Thank you for your message, but I am not interested" goes a long way.

7) For the men, always be a gentlemen! It seems few actually know what this means anymore (very sad). Here's a link to remind/teach you: http://www.askmen.com/money/successful/41b_success.html

Good luck! Everyone deserves to find that special someone who makes them happy.  :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Listen to the words

Everybody has liked a song--even caught themselves singing the chorus--without ever really paying attention to all the words. That was my experience today when I finally heard this song's story for the first time. The lyrics portray the sad life of an attractive female drug addict. This is the life of too many. Reminds me of Vegas.

White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste

Lights gone, days end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream 
The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside, tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly, for angels to fly

Ripped gloves, raincoat
Tried to swim and stay afloat
Dry house, wet clothes

Loose change, bank notes
Weary-eyed, dry throat
Call girl, no phone

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen 
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream 
The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
But she don't want to go outside, tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the motherland
Or sells love to another man
Its too cold outside
For angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line

And they say
She's in the class A team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen 
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
They scream 
The worst things in life come free to us
And we're all under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And we don't want to go outside, tonight
And in the pipe we fly to the motherland
We sell love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly, angels to fly 
To fly, fly
For angels to fly, to fly, to fly
Angels to die

Friday, January 4, 2013

New Year Resolutions

The secret to New Years Resolutions is to only commit to changes that you really want.

Every year people make New Year resolutions that they are unable to stick to. No, that's not accurate.. Every year people make New Year resolutions that they are unwilling to stick to. We make choices in life; if your New Year resolution is to eat better or exercise--and then you don't, it's because you chose not to stick to it. This means that making a resolution that you don't want to stick to is either torturing yourself or lying to yourself.

What is my New Year resolution for 2013? I will stop hitting curbs with my tire or rim. It's not that I am particularly a bad driver, I just haven't been careful enough when parking. My goal is reasonable and I am ready to make this change. Since January 1st, I've been parking while consciously paying attention to where my tires are (in the past I would focus on why I was parking instead of being active in the moment). This is an easy change which only requires dedication. In a few weeks, my brain should be re-programmed to always park this way.  :)

Why did I not choose eating properly or exercise, like millions of other people? Easy. I do these things already. Well, at least 90% of the time.  Not because they were successful during a previous New Year resolution, but because this is the lifestyle I've trained myself to be happy with.

Making resolutions is awesome. It is a way every year to fix something about yourself...something that you are ready to change and are willing to tackle all year long.