The Mastery Of Love

When I used to party, I surrounded myself with other people who also liked to party.
My romantic relationships were unhealthy. I didn't show myself enough love and then expected my [often unhealthy] partner to make up the difference. How ridiculous is that?

Part of being sober is healing myself in every possible way. Over the past month I've been in an intense school program. During my very limited free time (mostly while traveling to and from school), I read The Mastery of Love. It is the second book in a three part series. Last year, I posted about the first book: The Four Agreements.


Here are a few quotes from The Four Agreements:

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her.

We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.

If you live in a past dream, you don't enjoy what is happening right now because you will always wish it to be different than it is.

When you don't do your best you are denying yourself the right to be you.

The Mastery of Love is amazing. Here are some quotes from the first half which I feel compelled to share:

The need to be "right" is the result of trying to protect the image we want to project to the outside. We have to impose our way of thinking, not just onto other humans, but even upon ourselves.

In our mind we create that part of us that is always judging. ... There is always something the Judge can never accept or forgive. ... That is why we never deserve to be happy; that is why we are always searching for someone who abuses us, someone who will punish us. We have a very high level of self-abuse because of that image of perfection. ... You are no longer a child, and if you have an abusive relationship, it is because you accept that abuse, because you believe you really deserve it.

You cannot change other people. You love them or you don't. You accept them the way they are or you don't. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat, or a cat for a horse.

The one who loves you, loves you just the way you are. Because if someone wants to change you, it means you are not what that person wants.

If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is. Don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's time. This is respect.

Heal your half, and you are going to be happy. If you can heal that part of you, then you are going to be ready for a relationship without fear, without need. But remember, you can only heal your half.

If you can learn to control your own reactions, then you can change your routines, and you can change your life.

... You have to stalk your own reactions; you have to work with yourself every moment. It takes a lot of time and courage, because it is easier to take things personally and react the way you always react. And that leads you to a lot of mistakes, to a lot of suffering and pain, because your reactions only generate more emotional poison and increase the drama.

While you can just jump into the second book, reading the first book FIRST really does set up a solid foundation. The third book in the set is The Voice of Knowledge.