Back to stripper weight

Remember the weight that I gained after I quit smoking weed many years ago? Those 10 pounds that I gained and was never able to lose since? Well, I finally lost it. No, I did not start smoking again. I am not taking diet pills and I'm exercising the same as I have been. What I have changed is how I eat. I am pretty sure that quitting sugar finally enabled my body to let go of those few pounds. And, it was effortless!

For the past many years, I have weighed 145. My goal weight is to be between 130 and 135. More than 135 and I might muffintop. Today I weigh 133. The reason my heading says "back to stripper weight" instead of "back to model weight" is because I would often lose an additional 5 pounds to model. Most of my photoshoots were at 130. Less than 130 and I believe I look too skinny. I have always been upfront about my weight because so many women lie about theirs and men have unrealistic expectations for what a woman should weigh.

When I hung out with the porn crowd, I used to always joke that if I anonymously called one of them up to inquire about modeling and told them that I was 5'5" 135 pounds they would tell me I was too fat. They all agreed. Yet, this is what I weighed and I was constantly asked to do porn. While I have no judgments against the ladies who do porn, it isn't for me. I love sex, yet I love sex in private. This is why I did bikini & pin-up modeling and did not become a porn star.

I am super happy to have lost this weight. Not that I looked bad, because I didn't. My body stays hourglass no matter what, so it was just an additional 2 inches everywhere. However, after being a stripper it is difficult to accept having a waist larger than 26". Thanks to my healthy lifestyle choices, I am back to being below that.

A woman's body image and how easy it is to ruin

Las Vegas is a world famous adult playground. Working there can bring in big money, but it comes at a price. Vegas is all image and people pride themselves on being hustlers. Being fake is the norm. Everyone is judged--on looks, body, age, money, car, who you're sleeping with--not only did I hate living there, it ruined my normal healthy body image.

From stripping at the top Las Vegas gentlemen's clubs, I saw it all. I worked at Crazy Horse Too, Olympic Garden, Sapphire, and Spearmint Rhino. I was at the top clubs at the right times. Crazy Horse Too is the best club I have ever worked at. They treated their ladies with more respect than is experienced in this industry; it was excellent for my mental health and self-esteem. I worked there up until the day they closed.

On the polar opposite end of the spectrum was Spearmint Rhino. It was a toxic environment. There were actually a few occasions when the morning manager at Spearmint Rhino came up to me while I was on stage (!!) and told me I needed to lose weight before my next shift. Are you kidding me?!? I have curves, not rolls.

This is what I looked like at that time:

Instead of being brushing it off as an asshole Spearmint Rhino manager being a jerk when he was lucky enough to get hired at a top US strip club, it scarred me for life. Here are a few more pictures from the past: 

Because of these negative experiences, now I can't stop critiquing myself; it is ingrained and automatic. I am writing this as a real woman. A real woman who, with a pin-up body, was given a body image complex. Back then I was in the gym a few hours every day. Currently, all I have time for is an hour a day. Knowing that I don't look my personal best messes with me a lot. I'm in pretty good shape and not fat, but again...if my body wasn't good enough when it looked like that, how can I ever be satisfied?

By the way, the image below is what I was expected to look like (obviously less "fat" than above). I haven't looked like that since I quit smoking weed. 

(Quitting pot immediately made me gain 10 pounds that hasn't left me since. *sigh*)

Few women share their insecurities. I wrote this to bring awareness to the damage that can be done to the feminine ego. A joke to a man can seriously hurt a woman. She may not tell you, yet your words may still ring in her head decades later. Hundreds of compliments can't undue the damage of one well-placed insult.