Valentine's Day and My Ideal Partner 2016

 

   I saw the above image elsewhere on the internet,. It was surprising to me how most women chose (including saying it would take $15 to make their man). My priorities are different. If limited to $5 to choose, I would pick smart ($1), great in bed ($2), and honest ($2). Yes honesty is not listed but it is essential so I allocated funds.

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   A recent experience renewed my interest in dating. So, I tweaked my lists using the Musts, Would-Be-Nices, and Dealbreakers format. I like organizing it this way because it makes it easy to evaluate someone new and see where that person fits. 

NON-NEGOTIABLE MUSTS: Completely honest with me, genius intelligence, respects me, trustworthy, ambitious, generous, ethical, makes eating organic/non-GMO a priority, good in bed, prepared to commit, communicates, kind, healthy, father figure, patience, authentic, emotional/physical/financial support, likes to travel, apologizes, emotionally healthy, compassionate, acts like a man and treats me as a lady, loyal, helps me succeed, funds my beauty maintenance, shows that he values our time together, teaches me, gentleman, wants an immediate family, understands that love is a verb and not give up after the spark fades, compatible parenting views (mindfully parent according to the Positive Discipline model).

WOULD BE NICE--but not required: Athletic, speaks more than one language, high sex drive, spiritual, wealthy (well, this would be nice, lol), similar political beliefs, worldly, ex-pat mentality, computer geek, at least 10 years older than me, romantic, monogamous, can build and repair things.

ABSOLUTE DEALBREAKERS: Lies, abusive, passive-aggressive, undependable, refuses to admit when he's wrong or when he doesn't know something, doesn't take responsibility, antagonistic teaser, alcoholic or drug addict, scares me, invades my privacy, cheap, uses denial-of-relationship-sex as a weapon, vindictive, television junkie, smokes cigarettes, thrives with drama, stalkerish.

 It seems that many people misinterpret my lists. The Would-Be-Nice group includes enhancements I would enjoy, yet are not necessary to be my match. However, if a single item from the Non-negotiable Musts is missing, the man is not for me. And, if any of the Dealbreakers are present, the man is not for me. The MUSTS and DEALBREAKERS categories define concrete boundaries. I want my life partner, loving husband, and co-parent. If my pickiness cause me to stay single forever, I would rather that then ending up with the wrong man.

And this is who I am: Honest, intelligent, loyal, likes to help people, encourages passions, lifetime student, good in bed, outside-the-box, great mom skills, anti-GMO, high sex drive, vain, reliable, generous, loves traveling, believes everything happens for a reason, ex-pat mentality, spiritual, values privacy, smiles and laughs easily, open-minded, many old-fashioned values, enjoys being fit, grateful, non-smoker, sober, comfortable talking about anything, shares, likes books, romantic, pro-gun, conspiracy theorist, happy, tenacious, accepts people for who they are, turns dreams into reality, not afraid to say “no”, follows my heart, lacks tolerance for dishonesty, loses things, mildly bipolar (normal/manic, no depression).

For those wanting to see how I (and my desires) have morphed through the years, click the My ideal partner link here or immediately under this post.



Oh, and before I forget -- Happy Valentine's Day!

Lent 2016

Lent officially started yesterday and ends on March 24. Every year with Lent I make positive changes in my life. These temporary changes are designed to be a springboard to help me long-term. While I do not expect that my my negative traits will be permanently banished, I do hope that each year will result in a cumulative improvement. 

 

This year I will stop:

1. Cursing. This has been on my list every year for many years. I used to be someone who cursed a lot. Such words rarely come out of my mouth anymore. Now I want to stop all the mental cursing and silent whispers.
2. Eating rice. Rice is the only item left preventing me from being Paleo. It is a staple food where I live, although I usually only eat it once per week. That now stops.
3. Negative thinking. Whenever I catch myself thinking something negative, I will immediately do 30 seconds of exercise. This could be embarrassing if I am out, yet it is is the best way to stop this bad habit.

These positive additions are intended to become a permanent part of my daily routine with Lent creating the foundation:

1. Non-internet reading for at least 30 minutes per day. Yes, this is books. While I read at a snail pace, I love reading. I own a massive library and have many books that I have not had time to read previously.
2. Self-improvement study for at least 60 minutes per day. This is separate from reading books. I have many workbooks and online courses available.
3. Recite my mantra. My mantra is supposed to be recited 108 times in a row. This is an excellent meditation practice that I have fallen out of and will now get back into.

The importance of a Theme Song

I have mentioned having a Theme Song, just like Ally McBeal. For those of you who have never thought about this before, it probably seems like a silly concept. It was practically ridiculed on the show. Yet, there is so much power in it.


A few months back, I put a different CD in my car (my current car only has 1 CD slot instead of 6). This means that I was no longer hearing my Theme Song every day. Instead, I was listening to Keane. Most of the songs on this particular album are sad and remind me of 2005/2006. Unpleasant memories.  While I love Keane and their music is truly beautiful, it certainly should not be considered Theme Song material. I was not intentionally replacing my Theme Song, yet I was now listening to this other CD everyday in it's place. 


Can you guess what happened? I started getting depressed. My motivation dwindled. Once I put my current theme song back on, within a day or two I was back to being my normal productive and happy self. Wow .Our music really is that powerful.


This got me to thinking... When I lived in Vegas and drank to excess, I was regularly listening to The Dresden Dolls.

The two songs, Girl Anachronism and My Alcoholic Friends, were daily aspects of my life. Every day, I listened to both of these before going to work and after returning home. For awhile, Girl Anachronism was even my ringtone! Unknowingly, I was priming myself to remain a mess.


I still like the music I used to listen to, but I rarely listen to it anymore. Living a happy life is my priority--not one filled with self-doubt, drama, and sadness. Just like we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with, music can shape our personality and mood.

If you have a daily ritual including a specific song, you already have a Theme Song. Now, think about it. What are the words? Do they align with the life you want to live and the person you want to be? What about the other music you listen to: is the general theme positive or negative? Seriously, you should analyze this.

What a Theme Song is:

• Your personal motivational song which lifts you up and propels you toward your goals

What a Theme Song is NOT:

• Your favorite song or any song which you like yet doesn't improve your mood AND motivate you

Choose wisely and watch your life blossom.

12 steps ahead

You know how sometimes you make a difficult choice and that same day something happens to confirm it was the right decision? Well, that happened to me today.

This morning, I sent a long email to a family member detailing why I am ceasing communication. That person, whom I love, is self-destructive and destructive to others. It is through my own self-love that I have chosen to detach. I care very much about family so this was hard, but I refuse to be abused by anyone--family included.

Receiving the email below 12 hours after I pressed "Send" proves that my decision was healthy and appropriate:

Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Coping with Families

There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.

There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.

The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.

Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.

It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.

God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.

I am alive

Someone recently started a rumor that I died. I do not know who did this. Could be a coincidence, yet seems more sinister. The link which was used as supporting proof had an image (she looks a LOT like me) with a second hidden file embedded inside. All very strange...

For those who believed it because they didn't enter in TrixieRacer.com into their URL bar to see for themselves,  please do not be sheep. If you believe whatever you are told without verifying (as in this instance), imagine where else in life people are lying to you and taking advantage of your gullibility.

This is my 17th public blog post since the date it is rumored I died. For those who follow me on Twitter, I have tweeted at least a few hundred times since that date.