Self-medicating to cope after a loved one dies

It's been 10 years since my sister died. It's also been 10 years since my lover died. 2005 was a tough year. Both died by suicide. A lot can happen in 10 years. What does death do to us? It's not predictable and never the same.

Over the next few years, I handled these deaths by self-medicating: drinking a lot, using drugs, and involving myself in unhealthy relationships. Since I lived in Las Vegas, self-medication was the norm and acceptable behavior. My real support system dwindled and was replaced by people who also didn't care about themselves. Secretly I wanted to die, but since my loved ones had taken their own lives, I knew that killing myself would be too painful for those who cared about me. If I overdosed, it would be less painful. I had a relationship with a man who wanted to pimp me (thankfully I got away). I needed love and a lifesaver, yet was too broken to recognize those who wanted to take advantage.

It took me longer than normal to recover from these deaths because, due to self-medication, I didn't grieve the way I should have. Experiencing the stages of grief is essential for recovery. I was in horrible pain, so self-medicating felt like the right thing to do at the time. However, it was directly because of it that I didn't heal sooner. Fast forward to now. I've been sober 6 years. Despite going through some major hardships, I live a happy, drama-free life. My support system is small, but excellent. Life is good.

Even when everything seems hopeless, even when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you have choices. How you move forward does make a difference. If you choose to self-medicate, it will get you through but it will extend the hurt. If you don't, you will hurt more intently, but it won't last for nearly as long.

The Power of Yet

Carol S. Dweck is a leading researcher in the field of motivation and is the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford. Her research focuses on why students succeed and how to foster their success. More specifically, her work has demonstrated the role of mindsets in success and has shown how praise for intelligence can undermine students’ motivation and learning.

Bernie Sanders 2016

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Inward and outward love

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

"Almost everyone wants something for nothing." 
--Marsha Sinetar

Bargains attract. Finding a good value excites us, and we share the news quickly. Wanting anything for free is human nature perhaps. However, we have had to learn again and again that you get what you pay for. This is true of human interactions too.

Why do we think that others will be there for us if we aren't available for them? Having friends means being a friend, even if it's time-consuming. Although friendship's rewards are indisputable, we still tend to wait, letting the other person make the first move. Getting the other person to commit first reduces our effort, perhaps, but we will still receive according to what we give.

Knowing and utilizing this principle simplifies our lives. Once we master it, we never forget it. And what we bring to our relationships will be given back to us.

I am willing to give to others what I want in return today. Their efforts will match my own.

Take the first step and offer true friendship to others. It is worth it and most people reciprocate!

Identify those who fail to return your friendship (after given more than an ample opportunity) as not worthy of you and cut them out of your life. This way of life shows love for others and also love for yourself.

Syria, and America's responsibility

Today is a day when many think about all the lost lives from the World Trade Center attack on September 11, 2001. Almost 3,000 lives ended that day, and countless more affected. Since then, September 11th is a day where people remember, mourn, and feel a sense of patriotism regarding the United States invading other countries--and ironically, other countries which were not responsible for that US tragedy.

While the average American is aware of how both North Korea and the "The Great Firewall of China" biases their media, few Americans understand that the United States news is also biased and full of propaganda. Most Americans get their news about what has happened from American news sources.

"More than 60 million people have been displaced by conflicts in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Yemen, Ukraine and elsewhere, and the violence is expected to drive hundreds of thousands more to seek asylum this year and next." (source) -- What do the majority of these countries have in common? Yes, oil-related military intervention from the US which led to millions of innocent lives being permanently and negatively affected. It is not the job of the US to be the world savior. It is--apparently--the intent of the US to send in troops when doing so creates a chess-like tactical long-term gain of resources. The United States, whether we like it or not, is the world bully.

Syria could foresee the potential of civil war and wanted their Assad government to stay in place. The Syrian government had a 55% approval rating--that is higher than Obama, Bush, and Reagan. Just two months after the United States agreed to allow Syria to decide it's own political future and to not have military intervention, Obama publicly threatened force. Fear of chemical weapon use was a convenient excuse. Yet, it wasn't America's place. I have serious reservations about who actually used the chemical weapons the following year and honestly believe it was a false flag operation.

Even those who do not watch television are aware of the mass refugees trying to escape Syria. How many know that the US intervention was a catalyst for Syria's civil war? How many know that Syria was a prosperous country before the United States strategically decided to enter it as a political chess move against the Middle East?

How many have heard that Syria wanted peace and was prepared for peace--yet were blocked every step of the way by America? How many of you have heard that it was the United States who reneged on the Geneva Convention?

Close to 250,000 people have died in Syria, with 30% being civilians.

Be informed. Read the ACTUAL AGREEMENT from 2012 between the United States, United Nations, the League of Arab States, China, France, Russia, United Kingdom, Turkey, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, the European Union, and Syria:. I dare you, because then you will realize just how the United States attacking Syria was both inappropriate and broke international law. The US acts as if breaking international law is acceptable.

...then, if you want to continue reading...

• Most Syrians back President Assad, but you'd never know from western media:  http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/jan/17/syrians-support-assad-western-propaganda  (January 2012) 
• 9 Ways America Has Fueled the Bloody Civil War in Syria: http://www.alternet.org/world/america-has-fueled-bloody-civil-war-syria  (September 2013, and it has gotten worse since) 
• Failure of Syria diplomacy exposes enduring divisions over Assad:  http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2015/09/09/world/politics-diplomacy-world/failure-syria-diplomacy-exposes-enduring-divisions-assad/  (2 days ago)

What do people think in other parts of the world?

Canada: The Ghouta Chemical Attacks a US-Backed False Flag? Killing Syrian Children to Justify a “Humanitarian” Military Intervention -- http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-ghouta-chemical-attacks-us-backed-false-flag-killing-children-to-justify-a-humanitarian-military-intervention/5351363
China: US responsible for refugee crises in Syria, Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan  --  http://www.firstpost.com/world/us-responsible-for-refugee-crises-in-syria-libya-iraq-afghanistan-chinese-commentary-2422432.html
India: Is US not morally obliged to take responsibility of war-torn Syrians? --  http://www.india.com/news/world/europe-migrant-crisis-is-us-not-morally-obliged-to-take-responsibility-of-war-torn-syrians-538381/
Russia: Putin blames US for migrant crisis in Europe  -- http://www.dw.com/en/putin-blames-us-for-migrant-crisis-in-europe/a-18694852
UK: Are the US-led air strikes in Syria legal - and what does it mean if they are not? --  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/syria/11116792/Are-the-US-led-air-strikes-in-Syria-legal-and-what-does-it-mean-if-they-are-not.html


Many of the World Powers are involved here, and they disagree.  Read up on World War I and World War II if you still think this doesn't affect you. History repeats itself and we are getting scary close. 

Man Up to indecision

This post was on a message board I read:

There is an old French proverb which states, "There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience." It certainly applies in your current situation. He chose to drag out the inevitable end to the relationship simply because he couldn't make a decision and subsequently stand behind it. It proved easier for him to allow you to suffer his indecisiveness than to man up when he most needed to be strong. You will continue to hurt in the meantime but in the end, how much did you really lose?

In most cases, refusing to make a decision is a decision within itself. The comment above uses the words "man up" and I agree with this completely. More often than not, it is the male species which keeps the female on hold due to their own indecision. These males are not men, they are boys playing games (both with themselves and others). It is important to be a grown-up, a man, and act accordingly. This is true with both friends and lovers, and compounded when emotions are involved. You owe--out of respect--to be forthcoming regarding your decisions and not make others wait around. Everyone deserves honesty. In the case where the eventual result is ending of a relationship, dragging it out is cowardly and iniquitous.

Motivational Mindshift - Restructure your thinking

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