Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Live big

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:  

"Live big!" -- Brady Michaels  

Sometimes, that's the best advice we can hear. Win or lose succeed or fail, go for it, and go all the way. As my flight instructor told me on the first day of flying lessons, "Keep one hand on the throttle and one hand on the  yoke." "Aahhhhh!" I would say during my early lessons as the plane lifted into the air, but I kept the throttle pushed all the way in.  There are times when it's wise to be cautious. And there are times when the best thing we can do the only thing we can do - is go for it by living big. Ask her out. Request the raise. Say no - and mean it. Learn to drive a racecar or climb a tall hill. Learn to snorkel or surf. Dreams remain dreams until you act upon them. Then they become real life.   
Will you throw a few coins into the beggar's cup, or will you bring him a hamburger and fries from the local fast-food place? Will you do an average job at work, or will you look for ways to go big - really give it your best - in the everyday areas of your job? Will you put your all - your heart and emotions - into the relationship with the people you love? Will you wait for another, more convenient time to pray, or will you start genuinely trusting God?  You don't have to get a life. You've already got one. Live it, and live big.  God, help me let go of my fear and timidity, and learn to live big.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Breaking my sugar addiction

As a child, I was indoctrinated that "good girls get treats" and sugary items were a reward. Many people think of sugar as just another food without realizing what it actually does to the body. However, studies have shown that 94% of the time, rats will choose sugar water over cocaine! In case you do not understand the significance of that, rats will usually choose cocaine over food and then die of starvation. Sugar is an addictive substance!

Image found at: grandtetonchiropractic.com/clean-eating-corner/why-you-must-break-your-sugar-addiction.html

While sugary items may taste good, they wreak havoc on the body and brain. For much of my life, sugar has had control over me. I've known it, yet the momentary physical and emotional pleasure sugar provides was a powerful reinforcer for continuing. A decade ago during an illness, I was forced onto a restrictive diet which broke my addiction. Unfortunately, after I got better, I retrained my body to successfully function with sugar again (this is pathetic considering that retraining involves getting sick repeatedly from the toxicity).    :-(     For the past few years, I have wanted to quit again, yet sugar withdrawals are so uncomfortable that I wasn't willing to relive them.

On July 15th, I decided to re-break my sugar addiction; this means no candy, cakes/muffins, coffee drinks, Red Bull, added sugar, juice, or any other sweet items (including those with artificial sweeteners). The first few days were horribly intense--significantly worse than when I quit drugs and alcohol. I went through severe withdrawals: mood swings, cramping, difficulty staying awake, depression, extreme cravings, and binging (on allowed foods). While binging is not healthy, it felt like it was the lessor of two evils to help me through the withdrawal process.

Day 2 was the worst. I wouldn't say I was crying, yet tears kept coming out of my eyes. I called my best friend (he is always more rational than I) who reminded me of the reasons I needed to do this and convinced me to stick with it. I had numerous justifications for why I should quit sugar in a week or two instead of now--but he helped me keep my resolve. Taking away a "reward" that one has grown to know and love is difficult. But, in reality, sugar isn't a reward--it is a punishment.

Today is Day 8 of no sugar. Yes I still have cravings. They are manageable. My brain keeps trying to lie to me and tell me that specific foods would be okay or that I "deserve a treat." How sick is it that my treats are actually self-sabotage? Thankfully, I realize this is the addictive cycle and have not given in. My mind is getting clearer, I have lost 2 pounds this week without even trying, and I feel good. Obviously, being a true addiction, I need to continuously monitor myself to prevent slips.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Open letter to my ex's wife

When he and I started dating, I honestly believed that the two of you were separated. I apologize if that was not true.

The day you told me he died, I was so nervous talking to my boyfriend's wife that I said a few things which were inaccurate in an attempt to lessen your pain and make you think we were just a fling. In hindsight, I realize that doing so might have even caused more heartache for you. I am sorry.

Your husband was an excellent man. I loved him so much that I completely fell apart after his death. He was one of the highlights of my life, I feel lucky to have shared time with him, and I always remember him with happy memories. While you don't read my blog, maybe the energy of what I am writing will be released into the universe and give you some level of peace.


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Do something patriotic today.

Happy 4th of July! Celebrate real independence by donating to Wikileaks: https://wikileaks.org/donate/